A Knock in the Head

the one with Anuar Zain

2009-07-01T23:43:00.003+08:00

First and foremost, I'd like to continue taking risks with my music. Everything I've done so far has been a gut reaction, honest and real. And that's who I am. That's what I want my music to always be -- honest and real.

The above was said by a great singer. A world class singer at that. With that deep baritone, he broke barriers with his voice.

But tonight, my entry is a tribute, not to a lost icon but to a living being, on his way to becoming a legend. I was fortunate enough to witness his first concert EVER, here in Malaysia tonight. As I am writing this, his first premiere concert has ended a little more than an hour ago. He is Anuar Zain.

True that.

I don't normally heap accolades on local singers because let's face it, none are deserving but this man, this man is a whole different league of his own. In my book, though i had to fork out quite a sum but anak Pak Zain made it all worthwhile. I don't wish to gloat about the immensely entertaining show but I guess I am. Words just cannot describe his performance tonight. You could almost taste the sincerity and the modesty he brings out.

Sure, there were moments when I just could not stop smiling. So did he, in fact. he kept smiling and thanking the audience for being there. He rewarded us with his pipes and vocal control which was exceptionally good. He would often move around the stage to be closer to the audience. He would often point to a crowd in the audience and blew a kiss. My heart jumped a notch, perhaps I was just overwhelmed. Or maybe, truth be told, this is my first concert with a singer. My previous attendances were for musicals and theathers but never a singer. Never a singer anywhere. I am a full blown virgin when it comes to concerts of any kind.

So, since words could not suffice, let me just commemorate this night with this entry. Let this be a benchmark for performances to come. Let me remind myself that I thoroughly enjoyed every second of the show, literally. Let me remind myself that there were moments when he would point to our crowd and flash that megawatt smile of his and ultimately depart from our crowd by saying "I love you all".

An open note to Anuar Zain, if ever you bumped into this blog, keep up the good work. Maintain your honesty in your performance and singing. Retain your modesty. Keep that naivety about you and don't ever stop and be complacent. Cause if you do, you will not be able to amaze us as you have done tonight.

On a last note, he truly deserved that standing ovation and I hope I would have the opportunity to witness more standing ovations to come. Tonight, I was glad to be part of the experience. Part of the crowd. I was just glad my initiation into the concert of the singing variety left me speechless and heart palpitations.

And, yes, Anuar Zain has just gained another admirer.

True that.

the one with things off my chest

2009-06-21T22:11:00.000+08:00

Mickey: You can't lead your own crew.

Danny: Why not?

Mickey: Because you're immature, irresponsible, reckless, empty-headed and impulsive.

Danny: [Cheerfully] But apart from all that! I'm ready!

Just had to blog..need to purge my system of a few things..

1. I can't make heads or tails of it. Despite the numerous warnings and cautionary measures, people are still goddamn ignorant. Wondering what the hell am I talking about?

Here you have people around you coughing and having itchy eyes due to the haze and people minimising the outdoor activities just to preserve every last ounce of health they have left and voila!

There goes my "gampang" neighbour collecting dry leaves and making a little bonfire for himself, proud of the not-so-hard-work of raking the leaves in the first place. So to you, my ignorant neanderthal/neighbour, I really hope that one day Mother Nature just unleashes her fury on you so that I may stand and look proudly, just like you did over the bonfire.

2. Call me eccentric, choosy or quirky but I just realised that most of the things I don't eat starts with the letter "T". It never occured to me before. So I don't eat "timun", "terung", "taugeh", "tauhu", "tempe", "tempoyak". Weird coincidence but really, I don't eat them. I always take the trouble when placing an order for something, I usually say.."Tak nak taugeh,eh.."

So what?You want to judge me, go ahead. Pahala aku dapat.

3. There's no denying I love watching the idiot box but only selected shows. I watch a show either because the character is utterly brilliant that I can only hope I could find an exact match in this so called reality. Or maybe because I am profoundly amazed at the level of wittiness the character delivers his lines, with poker faced and comic timing- you just have to really appreciate the creative minds of the scriptwriters.

For example, I love watching Boston Legal simply because I actually think that the lines are sarcastic and more often than not, the lines are actually things I wish to say to someone but never had the chance or gut to do so. I personally love the relationship of Denny and Alan - their rendezvous on the balcony with their cigars and spewing out senseless observation on life. One classic example:

Denny: Alan you know the one thing we sometimes forget is no matter how hard your day, no matter how tough your choices were, how complex your ethical decisions...you always get to choose what you want for lunch.

Alan: Daily I am amazed at your inexhaustable ability to just live.

Denny: It's either that or die.

I mean, don't you just love the lines. Brilliant. Utterly brilliant. Simple and to the point.

4. I am grateful for the fact that my new office has a ritual every friday morning - the recitation of the Yasin. This is not done at the privacy of one's cubicle or room but every employee gather in the board meeting room and together recite the holy verse. Great way to end your week, I'll say.

5. I love Joe Mantegna in denim. So HOT!. And so is John Larroquette. Can't wait to see him in Boston Legal. Dougray Scott is kinda smoking. James Spader is heavenly in the 80s with his signature droopy eyed aristocrat-rich-boy persona. I fell in love in Andrew McCarthy when I first saw him in Mannequin. So the point to my entry - I love older men but only those I see in the idiot box. But truly, I honestly think that Ramli MS can take me out anytime and having seen this person up close, Dato' Abu Talib Mohamed just have most magnetic smile ever. And just by saying a simple hello, my knees go jelly wobbly.

6. I'm thinking of buying the cell phone line jammer and bring it with me to the movies so that no phone lines would be available thus ensuring a quiet and peaceful cinema experience. But that still does not solve the problem of patrons who simply cannot shut up as if I needed the voiceover commentary of the movie. So to you talkers in the cinema, don't be surprised if one day a large cup of soft drink will drizzle down your head to your clothes simply because of your inability to understand the concept of silence.

7. I have this pet peeve. You see, my dad has been regimented enough to train us = me and my siblings - that it's never nice to chew with your mouth open. It's never nice to actually hear the squishy-squashy sound of food being enmeshed in your mouth by the person next to you nor is it fun to have a first hand experience to witness food being ravaged from inside a cavelike hole. So forgive if I am blunt but this has to be said. You open-mouth-chewers and you orchestra-making food gobblers, please keep a distance from yours truly. It really kills the appetite, you know.

the one with THE man

2009-06-10T10:41:00.003+08:00

Carrie: Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous.

My parent's celebrated their 40th wedding anniversary this year. My sister and her husband, their 11th, Insya Allah. My brother and his wife, their 9th.

Me, not even an anniversary with potential someone. Pathetic, I know.

Depressed? You might think so. Those of you who can't stop talking about men and finding mr. right would probably snicker at the thought that I was still single. Do I even care? Not the least.

I am enjoying singlehood as it is. I'm spending precious time with my parent's and my family. I am spending time to get to know myself, spend time with my own thing and hobbies. And lastly I get to spend time with my friends, if there is any left, that is.

Sure, I've had my share of relationships. I know what it feels like in one. No need to delve into the details. But, I've never found THAT someone.

Okay, that is a lie. I did find someone. But I never did have a relationship with him. Not that kind anyway. Bet you are salivating for the juicy details, aren't you.

This is something I have never told anyone about. He was THE man. Good looking, intellingent, matured and cool. One I would often use as a yardstick for other men. But even he does not know this. Because I never had the guts to tell him.

Back then, he was like a brother to me. But we didn't start out that way. He was a few years older. I was still an undergradute while he was already working. People say he is unapproachable, unfriendly - basically chooses those who deserve to speak to him.

The story is I joined this group. In that group, I found myself a guy who went on declaring himself my big brother, often calling me "little sis". This big brother of mine was the one responsible introducing me to THE man. In my mind, this man is surely going to forget my name the minute it was introduced, like I've seen he do it to my other acquaintances. Imagine my suprise when he actually called me over later in the night just to have a chat. So that's how our relationship began.

He was always dishing out advice but in the coolest ways. Always trying be suave but cool at the same time. Always telling me what kind of guys I should look for. What he sees in women. Telling me what he did that day. We were like brothers and sisters separated at birth, only to have found ourselves now and catching up with our lost years.

Did I mention that he was good looking? So it was one thing to be in his company, but another when people are staring while we walked together. He had this enigma about him. One look at him and you wish that you were his friend. He bounced from being serious and composed to being childish and silly. People were attracted to him like a moth to a flame. But he did still keep people at bay. So, considering those points, I was lucky that he chose me.

Spending time with him opened my eyes to a great number of things. With me, he opens up. He's not shy of being himself. To others, he was a greek god personified. Looks, brains and brawn. He had the ultimate package. He had the charisma of james bond and the confidence of indiana jones. You know, how a guy is always trying to be cool and hip with a devil-may-care attitude. Just imagine the character zack syler in She's all that and you'll know what I mean. But, when people are not around, he simply himself. And that's what I got to see.

Once, he went to a training course and he had used up his phone credit. He had a vigorous physical training earlier in the day and was thoroughly expired by night time. Let me just make this clear just in case you don't understand how close we were. He was single throughout our friendship and from what I've been told, doesn't have it in his genes to call a woman/girl up. So getting back to the story, imagine my surprise when he calls me up, from a public phone just to chat. He wanted to tell what he did that day and felt that he just couldn't think of anyone else to call. By the way, he does have this knack of trying to be macho at times so he lied to me saying that his phone doesn't actually have coverage at that training centre. But he knew i knew he was lying. But that's just him.

One thing I remember vividly was that during one time, a guy was interested in me and pursuing me with great speed. A week after we had dated, he proposed marriage. I then avoided him like the plague. But I hid this fact from THE man. Amazingly, he found out about it and gave me a call (which he rarely does) and casually asked me about the wooer. Then, he began on his tirade of how the guy was pursuing me wrongly and that he even scolded the guy for doing such and what a mistake he had done by rushing me. He then explained to me that he lectured the guy for all the wrong methods the used and the right way I should have been pursued. Told me to forget the guy and later said to hang by him, he will find me a person worthy enough. He said, he could judge a man and tell me whether he's good enough. I asked him how do you know. He said it's ingrained in him and that he feel it in his guts. But he did tell me to look for a guy who makes Peter Cetera's Glory of Love a mantra. Just like he did. He really believes that I will find my guy. One that he will approve of. One that surpasses his expectations and make me happy. As intuitive as he was, he was so clueless.

Present day. I miss him. I never did find the guy he said I would. You know why. Because I wanted him. I have always wanted him. But he was just clueless. Or maybe it was me who didn't have the guts to spill it out. And now he is halfway around the globe which means I'll never find my guy.

For now, I just have to be content on being with myself. And that's fine by me.

the one with the questions

2009-05-29T16:46:00.001+08:00

Denny: What are you doing in my office?

Paul: This is my office, Denny.

Denny: Oh, that must mean I've come to see you...why?

Being the newbie in my new company, I tend to get people coming up to me asking me how's the new job and how is it going for me. You know, the usual questions, the ice breakers and my usual programmed response would be "Not bad". "I am doing fine.".

Never had I had to face with questions that do not have neither purpose nor meaning. Like today, one of the KJ approached my boss for a discussion and my boss doing the natural thing, introduced me to him. I was expecting like "which company was I previously from" or "how's the work" but he surprised me when he said, "Oo, lawyer. Dari mahkamah mana?".

WHAT?

How do you answer that? I actually find myself speechless and dumbstrucked. Since he caught me off guard, I was left with responding with a wide smile. Great first impression, kiddo.

But, seriously, I don't mind dealing with usual programmed questions people tend to ask me but come on, how do I even prepare a comeback for questions like those? I know, some of you smart ass might have come up with a witty or even a lousy (loyar buruk) comeback to the above. Me, honest to goodness, am not like that. I so do not have the aptitude of forming meaningless answer to meaningless questions.

Isn't there a better use of my time than to actually respond, albeit idiotically?

Go ahead, give yourself a knock in the head.

the one with why men cheat

2009-03-11T21:02:00.003+08:00

Brennan: I thought you said you were just going to talk to him!

Booth: Yeah, well, I saw his face and I got mad

I really can't wrap my finger on why men cheat. Why do they flirt around? I mean, if a woman flirted around, judgmental people around me would immediately branded her a slut, a whore, and so forth. But why do men get away with it. Why do we keep on putting them on a pedestal, overlooking their flaws and deficiencies. I have personally met a guy who already has a girlfriend for almost four years but has the nerve to say i love you to another woman. I also knew of a guy who would keep a gal company through the night but would not even dare to tell his fiancee what he did last night.

Why oh why? True, this was something that I needed to knock my head over. True, i did say that i am ready to be married but it's this kind of act that makes you lose faith in men.

There are some wonderful man. Like my father, sure, every girl looks up to her daddy, he's superman to her eyes. And thankfully, the men in my family are note-worthy. You may say that i am biased but anyone who knows them admits the same.

The reason for my angst..i learned a huge lesson today. Never believe a man. Surely never believe for a second what comes out of his mouth is pure innocence or honesty. Especially when he goes out of his way to make you comfortable and sweet talks his way to your good side.

One thing I learned.. men like this just cannot be trusted. The sweet nothings to flow from his mouth are indeed nothings.

Truly, I got hit with a bulldozer on my head with this revelation.

the one with today

2009-03-02T21:05:00.002+08:00

And if you wanna get smart
For the sake of your heart and all
You should own your name
And stand up tall and get real
And see the beauty in ugly

Let me be honest about one thing. Being a woman, i know i should be "dialed in" but really, somebody should give me a lesson about make-up.

Go ahead, laugh all you want but seriously, me and make-up is trying to understand rocket science. Like today, I clumsily dropped my compact powder. So, while relating my story to my colleagues, they all suggested I buy a new one. Then the conversation whizzed through to a subject about foundation and when I said I never wore foundation, believe me, all hell broke loose. It's like telling them I won the lottery.

So, at their urging, I went to the store to get a foundation for myself. So this is what happens. I stand there like a person in a library, to many books to choose and not knowing which to read.

So, now I know that there is a liquid one and a cake version or something. But then, there are so many shades again I look like an idiot not knowing which one to buy. So I went to the food court to hunt down my colleagues and demand that they help me.

Naturally, they laughed at me.

Guess I have to get used to this kind of reaction. So what if I don't know the difference natural and nude. So in the end, I ended up buying a compact powder like foundation, the cheapest one I could find. Reason being, I only wear it in the morning, just so I won't look like a walking corpse. I don't need to spend big bucks on something I would only use it once in a while.

So, you could probably surmised that me not a make-up fan. Nor am I a beauty afficionado. I have never gone for a professional facial nor do I go for this beauty regime thing like threading, a new thing that's all the rage these days. By the way, what is threading? Is it like plucking your eyebrows? Isn't that like haram?

I just don't get why we are so hung up in maintaning how we look. And yet we keep saying that it's not what you see that matters but what's in your heart that is important. If I find another person that says that same line to me, trust me, you are so going to get a bitch slap from me. Why do we keep flooding ourselves with these mindless bullshit when you don't even believe in what you say.

Another topic that was hot today was how a colleague of ours had spent Rm500 to get her hair permed and coloured. I used to know a person who colours her hair and she wears tudung, for pete's sake. It's not like anyone is ever going to see that hair of hers so I just don't understand why we submit ourselves to pointless exercises just to let men ogle at you or other people praise you, simply to satisfy your own vanity.

I don't understand this morbid fascination of ours. When did we become so in love with what we look like? Are we that "vacant" and "hollow"?

With that, I really hope it takes a HUGE knock in the head for you to realise.

the one with malay shows

2009-02-28T19:06:00.003+08:00

Rebecca: Okay, I never really had brothers and sisters so I don't know how big families work, um, maybe this is the normal thing to do you know, just do things in a clump, like you all get together, solve problems.

Kevin: No, no, we tend to make things worse and then blame each other.

Sarah: Yeah, that's pretty much how it works.

Yes, i know..as you can probably tell, I am a sort of TV addict. There are certain shows I rather not miss. One of them is the one above. The writers have done a pretty good job writing the scripts and storyline for this show. Ultimately, it all boils down to witty lines and storylines that are actually believeable. One which you can really relate to.

Anyway, so while relaxing in front of the tube with dearest Mum and bumping channels, we stumbled upon this malay drama (what? at this hour..so near to Maghrib..memang lagha!) and we decided to watch, for teh sake of it.

After a few minutes, we got bored. Simply because we came to the conclusion that all malay dramas have this one formula, jealousy and envy. Be it from the mother-in-law who hates the daugther-in-law, friend of the other friend, sister of their sibling, neighbours of each other and so on. I could go but basically you get the picture.

So you see why malays can never move forward as a race. We keep on portraying these values on the telly, always the same storyline.

e.g Mother in law hates d-i-l, so she tortures her life, makes her misreable
Neighbours resorts to name-calling in the front yard
Friends using dirty tactics

Macam dah takde idea lain.

Lagi satu, why is it that we keep making shows based on other people's idea..usually the West.

We saw this montage for a malaysian made show based on a British popular hit, Mind Your Language. I used to remember an old malaysian made show based on the famous Mr Bean. Why do we keep doing this to ourselves?

Buat malu je. Enough said.

the one with the things i wanted to say

2009-02-25T19:14:00.004+08:00

I speak the truth, not my fill of it,
but as much as I dare speak;
and I dare to do so a little more as I grow old.

I don't really have a topic in mind but i have a few things i need to get off my chest. So here goes..

1. It really baffles me why people who drives big cars drive so darn slow? Do you have this unspoken motto for all big car owners that once you own a big car, your speed limit is 60 -70km/ph. Seriously, there are some of us who likes the rightest lane and if you insist on driving your oh-so-expensive car that slow, it actually blocks my way, don't you think so? Menyemak la, please move over.

2. I really get pissed off when i get emails which forces you to forward the same in order to get some miracle or reward coming your way. Even more surprising when the email contains some Quranic verses. Look, my personal belief is that to get more pahala, more reward, read the Quran itself not some bits and pieces somebody forward you expecting you to forward to more people in order for you to get your miracle/reward. Bukan ke syirik namanya tu?

Dah la yang tukang menghantarnya tu orang berpelajaran, bukannya bodoh. At least, exercise some common sense people. It's the least you could do given the brain Allah has provided you with.

3. I have this pet peeve about men. Sure, you may the king of the household, boss at the office, world leaders but you ain't got shit if you SPIT!

Please, it's enough that people around us don't know how to throw rubbish properly into the dustbin but to have men all around spit like there's no tomorrow is utterly disgusting. Makes you reconsider having a man in your life. Makes you wonder why they are held in the highest esteem.

I simply hate the sight of a man strolling down the pedestrian walkway and POOF!, a spit comes out. Even worse when there's a sound effect that accompanies the spit. Like, ewww.

Sure, my entry seemed angry and furious, but believe me, today is one of those days where i enojyed going to work. So, this entry is just something i've been wanting to say for awhile now.

So there.

the one with the anniversary

2009-02-22T21:42:00.002+08:00

You know, women can have it all,
just not all at once.

Yah, i know. I've been missing for while so i thought i would just start writing on the one-year anniversary of me not writing.

Maybe you are wondering what's the 4-1-1 on moi?

I've started working for a while now for a retail juggernaut which i really thought was really a Malaysian company but in the end turned out to be a entirely international one.

And basically that's it. True, i might not have a lot going on with me but still life was still exciting for me. maybe when i have the time, i'll fill you in.

Right now i just feel like telling you what's been bugging me. I've reached a point where i think i would like to get married.

Now that's a bombshell, am i right? At least i'm being honest and true to myself and i couldn't keep this niggling feeling all bottled up any longer. I don't want to be that person who says i don't want to get married but all my posts is about finding the one. I don't want to be a hypocrite.

Plus all i keep hearing and seeing nowadays are so-called independent women who says now is not the time or i'm not thinking about marriage now but all they talk about is marriage and being with someone. How hypocritical can you be when you say marriage is the last thing on your mind but you keep talking about love, men, being in love and etc...

Oops, nice segueway to talk about other people when i should be talking about me.

Anyways, yep it's true. I would like to get married. To whom, i don't know. I leave it to Allah. When, i leave to the Almighty as well. I'm leaving that option open. What i know is that I'm ready.

Frustating, ain't it?

I know. This uncertainty mode always leaves me in limbo.

For now, I know Allah is teaching me a lesson. I may have the best job with the best group of colleagues you could ask for and the perfect training ground to develop my skills as corporate legal executive. Life is indeed good. But He decides that having all the above does not mean i can have what i want now as well. He deems that i must wait. And so i will wait.

Maybe the one i'm supposed to marry might just be the guy i will meet when i'm 30 or maybe i'll meet him next year. Who knows.

But honestly the reason why i'm writing is because i'm having a crush. i know it sounds juvenile but what the heck. I have not felt this way in a while now. You know, that giddyness and the butterflies in your stomach when you hear his voice. He might not be the one i might marry but right now, i'm just loving the feeling.

The feeling that makes you want to smile incessantly.

I run the risk of sounding like a little schoolgirl but right now i really do not give a damn. Even if it does not work out, i don't mind. He was not meant for me. I get that.

So for now, my new motto is be in the moment. Embrace the uncertainty.Delve into the unknown.

I don't need a knock in the head to tell me that.

the one with I'm back

2008-09-11T12:19:00.005+08:00

~" I went on a journey, only to find........nothing!"~ Yours truly

No, I did not abandon this blog. Saja, malas nak update. So here goes a long list of what I have been up to.

On employment....

I completed pupillage, got called to the Bar. Started work in a construction and engineering company as Legal Executive. This part of my life takes up a whole other blog entry. So be patient, will do it some other time.

On family,

My brother in law has recently started work in a new company, one with more pay and lots of upgrade. My sister in law broke the news that a new member is on the way. Grandma came back to live with us, which then leaves me sleeping in the living room, occasionally.

On travels,

Went to Hong Kong and Shenzhen prior to getting called to the Bar. Went to Singapore, promising not to spend anything then ended up buying shoes and of course , my baby Ipod. Then, went there again simply to eat nasi beriyani.

Yeah, I know...seem a tad too simplified. Maybe you're assuming nothing much has been going on. Trust me when I tell you it's the other way round. What the heck , I don't have to justify my absence to you.

Owh, am forgetting one tiny thing. Just for the sake of it, I'll be posting certain things in retrospect.

Thought you should know.

the one with the sopranos

2008-02-20T20:06:00.000+08:00

"What's different between you and me is that you're going to hell when you die" ~Carmela Soprano~

Thought I have a change of routine. Having heard of the commercial success of the series, thought I'd give it a try. A bit reserved since I don't like provoking , in-your-face dramas. I was right. Finished half of season one and I was flabbergasted. I didn't know the dealings of the underworld was so suburban and common.

Tony had a lot to deal with and there's not much different from reality. He struggles with acceptance and his inner demons. Basically, a dark satire of life placed on a dish on guns-wielding-fists-bashing-tough-talking mafias. A little too dark for me, I suppose. Maybe I need to watch more episodes to warm up to the series. It's gonna take awhile though.

Another series I managed to get my hands on was "Hustle". This Brit series had me hooked from the beginning. I first saw it on Hallmark, then they stopped showing. Then I caught it on BBC but I always missed the first half of the show. So when I did find it on sale, i immediately bought all four seasons.

The end results: I couldn't be more ecstatic. Here was a show that portrayed ingenuity and wit. The well thought out plan, the storyline, the dialogue was just heaven to watch. Witty remarks, funny as hell and a clincher, enough to keep on the edge of your seat.

A reminisce of The Italian Job, I tell you.

the one with the trip to Kangar

2008-02-18T17:23:00.002+08:00

“The traveler sees what he sees, the tourist sees what he has come to see. The whole object of travel is not to set foot on foreign land; it is at last to set foot on one's own country as a foreign land.”

~ Gilbert K. Chesterton~

There I was. On a dawn of a Saturday morning, still groggy from lack of sleep, helping Mum packing things into the car. We were about to embark on an estimated 6-7 hour drive to Kangar.

Being the stupid me, I slept the whole way. Upon reaching Kangar, we had a sumptous meal at this restaurant right smack in the middle of a paddy field and nothing else. Magnifico!

After a tiring day of travel, we chose to stay in for the rest of the day.

At night was a different story. You see, I have been pestering my Dad since forever to take us to Perlis. Simply for the seafood. So, eventually, we headed to the famous seafood fare by the jetty.

Let me simply tell you this. Steamed cockels, grilled squid, sweet and sour "siakap", flour fried prawns and a cup of rice, topped with sensational breeze from the sea is THE meal to die for. We ended our night by cruising through the town of kangar. And I mean cruising. People just don't speed here. Everything is done so leisurely.

The next day, which was a Sunday, was the day we ventured into Padang Besar.

I get the fact that people flock here for the cheap food but what I saw was abject poverty and depravation. I saw hunger. I saw unhygenic living conditions. Makes me think twice about Malaysia.

I realised at that point that how much of Malaysia I have taken for granted. I don't have to go very far just to see how different it can be.

Back to our escapade, I tried buying some apparels but apparently in Thailand(or something close to it), I'm a giant. On the upside, I didn't have to spend any dough.

So, in the end, the only thing I truly enjoy was the taste of a fresh coconut drink combined with crushed ice on a hot and humid day and the array of sight of different kinds of mangoes there is. Sure enough, being the fruit fanatics that we were, we bought every kind, at least two kilos each.

As I was told, each mango has its purpose. Or so it seems. This one is for sambal. And this one is for kerabu. What wonders.

Again, our night was sealed with seafood fare, this time at another hot spot. And again, I was not disappointed.

Come Monday, I had to say goodbye to the town that gave me so much pleasure. In sight, in taste and in thought. This was just the way I would want my holiday to start.

I bid you goodbye dear Kangar and rests with Allah the Almighty that I should once more visit you.

the one with a trip to JB

2008-02-11T16:48:00.001+08:00

"I've had a busy week and I'd like to ease my brain"

You betcha.

Immediately reaching home from Sepang, i had to rush to three different bodies, trying to get them to move faster on a simple report. Seriously, you guys are putting all govt agencies to shame with ineffectiveness.

Enough said, i was glad that by wednesday evening, my family were already leaving for JB. As usual, i requested that my Dad make a stop at this one stall in Pedas, Negeri Sembilan. Simply because i really love the mee goreng basah.

It has got to be the most delicious plate of noodles ever. I have been a fan since last year. It was not in one of those fancy shops but a simple roadside shop. The portion was generous and the ingredients didn't disappoint either. This shop has my vote for the best mee goreng basah in Malaysia.

But enough about that, having seen my sis's family and eventually enjoying my break, what trip would be perfect without a visit to Pandan? (Johorians would know what this place is)

So, all in all, this trip was much needed, having stayed there till Sunday. More unwinding for me, I guess.

the one with the delayed report

2008-02-05T15:39:00.001+08:00

Everyone's looking at me
I'm running around in circles (baby)
A quiet desperation's building higher
I've got to remember this is just a game

Unfortunately not. Indeed I am verging towards desperation.

I submitted my referee's letter on Friday. When I came back to that office on Wednesday, the letter is still in the "IN" box. So she told me to come tomorrow morning. Promised me it will be ready by then.

I came the next morning at 9 a.m. And she tells me her boss hasn't got time to sign it yet. Why don't I come in the evening?

...Wait a minute. You assured me yesterday it would be ready. Do you actually think I have nothing to do but come to the middle of town just to drop by your office to pick up the report which you should have done days ago.

I can't come the next day since it was a holiday.

So I came back on Monday to be told that her boss still ain't signed it yet. I came at 9 am and she told me to wait until 11 am.

..Again, like I have nothing to do. Am I supposed to wait on hands and foot till I get my report. Sheesh.

Finally, at 11, it was ready.

You see, I was up to a point of desperation. Al I wanted was for this report to be ready on time. Yet these people cannot deliver just that. I couldn't proceed with my petition until and when they submitted THAT report to the Bar. Talk about serving the masses and failing miserably in serving one of their own. Way to go people. Give yourself a pat on the back on the good job done.
*Snicker*..

the one with Sepang

2008-02-03T23:43:00.000+08:00

'll show the Sea of Tranquility
You can have any flavor you happen see
I live in the shade of a forest of green
In the wildest of woodlands that you've ever seen

Here I am in our second home in Spg. Bet you didn't even know that my family had a second home. My dad calls it the summer house. Perfect for weekend getaways.

Gosh, i love it here. The sea breeze..the atmosphere. It was as if time stood still. I hear no horns blaring. No cars lined up. Nobody rushing to anywhere.

Simply blissful.

The best way to unwind, I'll tell you that. No amount of money can even match that feeling.

Nothing.

the one with saying goodbye

2008-01-29T23:20:00.000+08:00

There's never a right time to say goodbye
But I gotta make the first move,
'cause if I don't you gonna start hating me

The past three days I worked overtime just to tie up some loose ends. Just so the boss isn't going to miss when I'm gone.

Then, nearing evening, I had begun to my goodbyes. I'm never really good at them. I either cry or show an expressionless face. Which is kinda more insulting to the other person. I can't help it, you know.

So, all throughout the hugs and kisses, I remain stoic. Sure, an occasional smile pops up but never too eager. It was better this way.

In a way, I'm glad.

They get to say their teary eyed goodbyes, the usual "keep in touch", "don't be stranger" mantra , hugs and one which I hate most, the side-by-side air kisses that never really touch the cheek.

This is why i remain stoic. The whole act of saying goodbyes is just a routine that people stick to when the occasion calls for it. What they say and act doesn't really mean anything except for the fact that everybody else is doing it.

So, to those of you not familiar with saying goodbye, here's a guide to help you. Bet you can use anywhere, anytime. Nobody will even notice you are faking.

1. Whoever it is, make sure you get the person that is leaving name right. To ensure that your goodbyes leave a lasting impression, use whatever name people closer to her are using.

E.g Suzila is usually referred to in the office as Su. Use that.

But, if it is your superior leaving, do not abandon your protocols. Sure that person is leaving but there's no need for you to forget protocols.

2. If you are just colleagues, then maybe start with a handshake (if different sex) or soft pat on the shoulder. If you are much closer than that, go to step 3.

3. If you are close enough with the said person and whatever you do will not result in a tight slap, then go ahead and give that person a casual hug. The closeness and the tightness of your hug should commensurate with your degree of intimacy with the said person.

4. Then, you may begin with the selected lines below. This is just a guide. You may choose to use your own lines once you have mastered the art.

a. Leaving? You have only been with us for...(state period. This usually works better if the person has only worked there for a short time). I haven't gotten a chance to get to know you.

b. We are so gonna miss you when you're gone especially your.... (state food/gifts/jokes/interesting traits the person has offered during their stint at the office).

e.g the person snort-laugh or the person's home cooked lasagna.Anything. Be creative.

c. Will you ever come back to see us? Do keep in touch. Don't be a stranger.

5. Usually, at this point, someone will approach with another goodbye or someone who wasn't interested about you when you came on board suddenly developed an interest.

You know, starting to ask questions about where you are from, where do you live. That sort of thing.

And so the cycle goes on. Depends on how many you have in the office.

And to those of you judgmental people, I never did say I despise saying goodbyes or receiving them. I just happen to realize that there was a pattern to be found.

To some, it's an art. Perfected. To others, it is simply a gesture straight from the heart.

It takes while to spot fakes. But when you actually find a sincere one, remember it.

They are not easy to come by.

the one with what to buy

2008-01-27T21:03:00.001+08:00

I was window shopping, window shopping
Never meant to buy
Just touch and try
You saw me, control me
I was window shopping, window shopping
Never meant to buy
Just touch and try
~the jackson 5~

Yep. I was so in a mood to buy something. So i went out today with a single objective. To buy something.

Boy, was i in for a major disappointment. I walked the entire length of OU, old and new and guess what?

I found nothing. Hundreds of shops and I found nothing. So, after the movies and prayers, I dragged my fatigue self to my car when on the way there, i found a gem of a shop.

Payless Bookstore. Now i have been a loyal customer since forever, so it was no surprise that i find myself in seventh heaven.

Just about when i am about to curse the stupid giga-normous shopping complex for having nothing to buy, i ended up buying three books. My most prized catch was haruf's plainsong at a mere Rm10.

I guess it's true. I am never going to be a person who likes to shop for fun. So many shops and i couldn't find a thing to buy. In the end, i ended up buying books. Might as well to never step in a shopping complex ever again and to just head over to any second hand bookstore and i'm game.

I forgot how does it feel like to buy things. Things i already have but simply need to buy more of and never plan to use.

Haha..(can you sense sarcasm when you read one?)

the one with the last day

2008-01-25T18:37:00.000+08:00

And at the end of the day remember the days
When we were close to the end
And wonder how we made it through the night
At the end of the day
Remember the way
We stayed so close to the end
We'll remember it was me and you

Yep, today is officially the last day. Liberation? Not sure about that.

All I know is the lasting relationships I've built. Just ordinary humans with extraordinary vibe and zest to liven my life.

Thanks for the relationships. And thanks for being..simply a friend.

the one with a dance and striptease

2008-01-23T23:17:00.000+08:00

Save the dance for another life
I'm guilty in my mind, cause I can't close my eyes
~ricky martin~

You got that right. Tonight i watched the Petronas Performing Arts Group' Raja Bersiong. Overall an entertaining show. No dialogue whatsoever. Which is good since too much senseless chatter will mess up the vibe and mood.

They have already built a steady momentum in the beginning. Just telling the story through dance. The point is my Mum had fun. She always has fun in sorta thing. Which is why i took her.

Kudos to the PPAG for coming up with a wonderful show.

On the other hand, i just couldn't grapple with the fact that at that moment, Malaysians are still reeling from a singer's striptease debacle and all throughout the show(the one i was watching with my Mum), i counted at least 15 dancers were naked from the waist up.

You see, it was set in medieval times. The only way to separate the male characters and the female was to make the males go naked waist up.

My point is simply this, we punish ONE man for striptease-ing in public television but it's okay to show FIFTEEN men(at least...) show their upper body to a selected group (mind you, there were also children in the theater).

One is just reckless behaviour and the other is for the sake of art. I'm not supporting the singer's act. I'm just saying, you know.

Was it because one was pre-meditated and the other spontaneous?

Where do you draw the line?

If it's for art, then it's okay. But, isn't both art?

What about those early days when we used to watch P.Ramlee movies. He only wore a "kain pelikat" to cover his bod. And i can see the legend's nipples, for god's sake.

So what? He can do it but not you. He's a legend but you just another artiste whom has yet to create his mark?

What then?

I don't get it.

the one where people tell me

2008-01-21T10:47:00.000+08:00

Tell me baby
Tell me baby what's on your mind
Tell me baby
Tell me yeah (what's on your mind)
Tell me, tell me yeah.

Whew..instead of a story about me, this entry is aboout the people in my life.

My 2nd brother told me..
yesterday when he rode the LRT on his way back, he saw an Indian man. There are two people sitting on either side of him. Suddenly this man pokes his finger into his nose and began probing. After a while, he takes the finger out and began "shaping" between two fingers what he had probed.

Either people around him just didn't notice or chose not to notice. My brother says he needs to ride the LRT more often.

My 1st brother told me...
he's going to aussie for the iron maiden concert.

My dad told me...
he is searching for a trip to new zealand. One where he can do all the driving. What is it called?.."free and easy"..

My sister told me..
my nephew has chicken pox for the first time. He's amused that he has "bubbles" all over his body.

My mum told me..
that last week my dad wanted to soak his towel. He goes into the kitchen and opened the container and poured it into the pail. Only it is not dishwashing powder. Wrong container. He poured fine castor sugar instead.

My dad told me..
after this his towel is going to be so "sweet".

the one with an illness

2008-01-20T12:50:00.000+08:00

What's it like to die alone?
How does it feel when tears freeze,
When you cry?

How does it feel like to be diagnosed with terminal illness?

Do you die alone?
Do you have family by your side?

Do you blame God?
Do you aceept it as your fate?

Do you just give up?
Do you embrace the time you have left?

Do you seek forgiveness?
Do you forego redemption?

What would you do?

Being diagnosed is one thing. Dealing with it is another.

the one with the scoop

2008-01-14T11:38:00.000+08:00

Yeah we walk through the doors,
so accusing their eyes
Like they have any right at all to criticize,
Hypocrites, you're all here for the very same reason
~anna nalick~

Sorry for the absence. Just had the feeling of laying low, keep things to a bare minimum.

Just off the bat, here's some scoop i forgot to mention.

1. I won tickets to watch the premiere of Sweeney Todd. Racking my brain thinking of who to bring with me.
(p.s not many of you know that sweeney todd is actually a true story. But from what i read of the movie, it sways a little from the truth.)

2. In the process of reading a book on murders and assasinations. First half talks about the concpiracy of John Kennedy's murder. A lot of people wanted him dead, eh?

3. I stumbled upon a sighting. All i can say is, "****, you are a true-blue hypocrite". I remember hearing you say you would never do it but now, look at you. I laugh at your stupidity and immature and easily broken principles.

4. Celebrity sightings: Erra Fazira, Umie Aida, Anding and Bob. Let me make one thing clear:i DON'T like any of them. Just happen they were at the same place as i was. Enough said.

5. I still haven't decided whether to stay in the firm or look somewhere else.

6. I've come to realised why i don't have many women friends. Ones i do have can be counted with one hand. And mind you, they are magnifico. Others are mere acquaintances. The reason: Women are just too "gediks". Gets on my nerve. Too much whining, complaining and annoying to the brink of insanity. One minute you want to be treated like an adult, one minute like precious glass. Eugh!

the one with a recap

2008-01-07T09:12:00.000+08:00

I saw the sign
And it opened up my eyes
I saw the sign
Life is demanding without understanding
~ace of base~

Right, let's recap things that i saw/ learned/ happened during the weekend and this morning:

1. I had a sinfully delectable snack..donuts. Yeah, i had to see what the fuss (and the absurdly long line) is all about. And yes, the fuss is worth it. Soft as it comes, some may be a little too sweet for dear ol' mum, dad and dear grandma.

2. When i first heard John Legend and "Ordinary people", i was not hooked. Just didn't have the magic for me. But then i heard "save room", this track was magic. I love his deep, uncharted voice. Soon, he will be a staple track on my drive home.

3. Flea markets are the best place to look for things. Be it accessories, bags or simple gifts. Not that i am in a shopping mood. Just browsed through one yesterday. I must say, forget other brand-screaming-but-no-originality-in-design-and-susceptible-to-forgeries types of items, here i am guaranteed that the merchandise i bought( or will buy) is one of a kind. No imitations.

4. Picture this: playing "usah lepaskan" and "i believe in you and me" in the car, screaming your lungs out. Nobody listening to you. Best stress reliever ever. Sure beats out the workout i just did earlier.

5. I have been diligent in washing eddie every week on my own since i got him. I didn't wash him yesterday. And now, i don't feel so good.

6. Being single is one of the best things that i enjoy. I can watch any movie i want, do whatever i please at my own time, spend countless hours for moi and la familia and the best part, i can flirt with whomsoever i please and not feel guilty. Nothing too slutty though, just plain eye-washing (cuci mata!).

7. I smiled to the traffic police on my way to work and guess what, he smiled back!. Ha. Life is just beautiful.

8. Breakfast brought from home is the best thing ever. Sure beats the nasi lemak and karipap. Nothing like a home-cooked meal.

9. I've discovered the best way not to be bothered with stupid and maniacal drivers. Just play your favourite song of the moment and sing your heart out. You will soon forget that you have been in a traffic crawl for the past fifteen minutes.

10. 18 days to go and counting.

11. And the grand finale: this is my 200th entry. Yay to moi!

till next time..

the one with syukur alhamdulillah

2008-01-04T12:07:00.000+08:00

Give thanks to Allah,
for the moon and the stars
prays in all day full,
what is and what was
take hold of your iman
dont givin to shaitan
oh you who believe please give thanks to Allah

On Monday, I had decided that i was not going to drive to work. Thinking ahead, i suspected the roads would be jammed right from the minute i step out of the office.

In the morning, though, i had to drive to Shah Alam for two files which i was to attend to.

After court duty, i gave a quick dash home to pick up my mum and went to pay my car payments. This is where it gets interesting.

I hold in my hand a telephone bill and my car payment slip and in between those, i had tucked the money meant for the car payments and the phone bill. Having paid for the car at one of those cash deposit machines, i rushed to the car and immediately drove off.

Then, i realised that the money meant for the phone bill was missing.

I drove back to the bank and retraced my steps even to the oustide. No money found.

I was beginning to curse myself for losing that money and such a klutz. I was also cursing other people for having found it and kept it.

You see, the bill was my mum's and the money was hers also. Getting into the car, i didn't have the heart to tell her i lost the money. So, i told myself the bill is going to be paid out of my own pocket. Poor me.

But i pray to Allah. If indeed this is a test, i accept dengan redha.

My mum eventually dropped me off at the LRT. On the ride to masjid jamek, i got myself a seat and began planning my finances as to how i was going to pay the bill. My claims have yet to roll in.

Somehow, this little voice inside me just said to look at the stack of bills and papers i had in my hand when i went to the bank.

Voila, there the money was, at the same place i left it. Funny, i checked earlier and it was not there.

Truly, this is one of the moments i get to embrace Allah's power and mystique. Sure, i've had other moments but since this one is still fresh in my mind, i thought i should share it.

Syukur Alhamdulillah. Praise to Allah, the Al-Mighty.

I also had other moments where you totally forget about something and suddenly you remember or when you were suddenly reminded of something that didn't even occur to your mind. Sure, some people say it's just your head messing with you. But on occasion when this happens, i attribute it to Allah.

It is by His power that i'm able to remember. It is by His power that i'm reminded.

On this blessed day, syukur alhamdulillah. Thank you Allah.

the one with me in a dilemma

2008-01-02T12:48:00.000+08:00

Though the end is near I'm not sorry.
Catch my soul, it's willing to fly away.
~iron maiden~

I was going to save this entry for later but I guess now will do.

Yep, you read it right. The end is near. No, i'm not talking about the Judgement Day (although it is near). My chambering period is almost over.

I honestly i hold the record for having the longest period of chambering ever. 13 months to be exact.

I don't regret my decision though. I have learned more in my new firm than i did in my old firm. Enormously. I have learned a lot (too much to detail each of them, eh). And throughout this period, i've met a great number of people i've learned to cherish and appreciate.

Believe you me, i love chambering. Though it was stressful(...at times..) but i enjoyed every minute of it. Yeah, i know it might sound corny as hell but what do i care. It's what i felt.

My master and her staffs are godsent. Patient (master and staffs), wacky and witty (staffs), full of advice and pointers (master) - all in all , a great bunch.

So the eventual question after this would be: what's next?

To those of you nosy enough to ask - didn't she get an offer to be retained? Yep, I did. Sort of.

The dilemma on my hands is this: new firm or old firm?

Part of me says stick with old firm. You have gotten used to it.

The other part says no, join a new firm. Learn new surroundings. Challenge yourself.

What will it be?

And then, there is another voice saying go private. In house.

Gosh..

*i'll let you know what happens once i made up my mind, aight..

the one where i did yoga

2008-01-01T11:16:00.000+08:00

How did I get so tied up

in this yoga knot

You tell me just how

I can take this yoga serious

When all it ever give to me

is a pain to my posteriors

~elvis presley~

Last friday, i tried yoga+pilates+tai chi. To tell you the truth, it was one of the most exhilirating and relaxing thing i ever did. Not only did i have to control my breathing but then i discovered the strengths, weaknesses and amazing moves i could attempt. But, honestly, i did experience a slight discomfort on my back after the workout.

But i tell you, this is surely one of the best way to de-stress after a long week.

It was during this workout i discovered Anna Nalick. The song "Just Breathe" was so amazing. Definitely struck a chord with me that night and ever since.

Imagine this:

Close your eyes.
Stand straight.
Then put your left/right foot to the back.
Open your arms to the side as if you are about to fly.
Then slowly, bend forward and lift your foot that you have pushed back.
As if you are flying with one foot on the floor.

And then play the above song.

Amazing. Superb. The effect of the music kind of helps you to forget about balancing yourself on one foot. All it simply wants is for you to BREATHE.

I got the song downloaded that night itself. It has been a frequent song to be played while i'm driving in the manic-speed-not-signalling-crazed roads of malaysialand.

Remember, all it wants is for me to breathe.

*thanks klevin for introducing anna nalick.

the one with the new year resolutions

2007-12-31T14:21:00.000+08:00

And what have you done
Another year over, a new one begun
~the beatles~

Someone asked me what are my new year's resolutions?

You might be wondering yourself...

Honestly, i don't have one. I don't believe in it.

Two reasons:

1. Why must we jump into the so-called band wagon that when new year approaches, we must have a resolution? Whoever came up with that idea?

2. Humans are so fragile and easily influenced. Almost 95% of people who made resolutions don't stick to them. Don'e believe me? Wait and see.

I believe in planning something and then working my plan.

I don't believe in just making resolutions just for the sake of the coming new year.

I believe in making goals everyay.
I believe in improving everyday.

Why limit it to the new year?

One more thing, this new year that you all go ga-ga, hoo-ha about is not your actual new year, you know. I mean, for the Muslims.

Your new year really is 10 January 2008. Awal Muharam.

So, get your priorities straight. And get your head straight too. If you are a professing Muslim, then act like one. Stop choosing aspects you feel is more suitable for you. One minute you are a Muslim, the other minute you are a modern adult contemporary bullshit.

I rest my case.

the one with facts about my birth

2007-12-28T09:44:00.000+08:00

Peace and love surrounding Earth

Respect to my mum who gave me birth

~2U~

Yesterday, I had the opportunity to join my father and his referee friends' get together at Seri Melayu. But i'll tell you about later.

So, after the dinner, we were already walking to the car when my dad was stopped by his friend. So, he decided to embark into an hour-long conversation with the friend. Me and my mum got tired and decided to wait in the car while he continues.

While waiting, my mum marvelled at the fact that Uncle Awal's(one of my dad's referee friends) 47-year-old wife who gave birth three months ago.

Eventually, i asked her about the time she carried me.

I didn't know i was not carried to full term. There were still several weeks to go.

I did know that my mum had been cooking when her water bag bursts(or broke, not sure). Now i know what she had been cooking. I thought it was "cekodok" but actually, "jemput-jemput".

I know that after her water bursts, she continue with her cooking.

I know that she also did something else besides cooking. Now i know it was washing the clothes.
I thought it was picking the dry clothes from the drying line.

I didn't know she called the clinic and that the nurse told her to take her time. Maybe a false alarm. That's why she continued with her chores.

I also know that she drove herself to the clinic. My dad's right foot was in a plaster cast so he couldn't drive her. Plus, she entered parking and parked the car.

I didn't know that the doctor injected her to induce delivery.

I didn't know that even after he water bursts, she didn't feel any pain. Only after the injection did the pain really struck.

I know, for a fact, that i'm the only child that she delivered in a private clinic and not in government hospital like my other siblings.

I know that when she gave birth to me, she was 40-years-old.

Turns out, there's a lot i didn't know about my birth. One thing i can say though. I was worried at the fact she took her time. But i was glad knowing that she knew her "baby" inside out.

I thank my mother for attempting the risk, having me at such a late age. And I thank you Allah for taking care of her during that time.

Me: Mum, kesian isteri Uncle Awal tu. Dah berumur kena jaga baby pulak. Patutnya dah timang cucu. (Pity Uncle Awal's wife. She is aging and yet has to take care of a baby. She sould be getting grandchildren at her age).

Mum: Takpela. At least nanti dah tua ade kawan. (That's okay. At least, when they are elderly, they will have a friend).

Me: Owh, Na ni kawan mum la eh. (Owh, so i am your friend izzit).

Mum: Ye la. (Yeah).

:)
;)

the one where i finished the book

2007-12-27T09:29:00.000+08:00

But the good book is good and that's well understood

So don't even question if you know what I mean

~jack johnson~

Joy to the world. I finally finished my Anthony Bourdain omnibus. Two books at last.

My review:

The first book, kitchen confidential, is by far one of the most intriguing books i have ever read. His blunt and snide remarks, his disdain for celebrity chefs and the nail-biting blow-by-blow account of the true, often darker side of being a chef is heart pounding.

I really enjoyed the book. In actuality, i finished the book in a week. (That's a good record considering i have to work to attend to).

The second book took awhile for me to finish. Not because it was not good. Simply for the fact it was at the time my highest court attendances ever in a whole month. Plus the office that i have to catch up on.

But, the second book, a cook's tour was another gem. If anything, bourdain is blunt and honest. I wouldn't want to get into his "black" book. He worships food, no matter its locality. He even makes eating a beating heart of a live cobra exciting.

All in all, a good read. Never once did i feel time was wasted having to read his book nor did i feel cheated for hoo-ha it created.

I really so enjoyed the book. It now looks twenty years older than when i first bought it.

::sigh::

the one with my list of actors

2007-12-26T10:42:00.000+08:00

I could've been an actor, but I wound up here
I just have to look good
~don henley~

I just hate (yes, i know it's a strong word but that's how i feel, aight) it when i hear people just go cuckoo when their favourite actor appears. But i don't really hate the cuckoo part, what irks me is when these so-called idol worshippers choose the particular actor just because he/she is good looking.

Just when i thought the human race is superficial as it is, you just had to pour more wine to the fire.

So, the thought of being random struck me and so here i would present a list of my actors whom i thought deserve my respect, not for their looks but simply for their talent.

1. Sidney Poitier

There is a reason why he on top of my list. simply because he's THAT good. To comment further would be an insult. Grab one of his movies and you'll know what i mean.

2. Denzel Washington

Am i bias for choosing only african-americans? Nope. I just give credit to talent when i see fit. And my, this man has talent. The array of roles he has undertaken, the depth in which he understands his role and his passionate potrayal. I simply love the way this guys takes on his roles.

3. Tom Hanks

Him being on this list does not need to be justified. He just is.

*the following are not in any particular order

4. Vincent Cassell

You might have seen him on ocean's twelve. I personally think he is a magnificient actor who has yet to capture his big break. Even in mediocre roles, he shines. He may fare well with french audiences but i wish he could have done something worthy of his enormous talent.

5. Clive Owen

Yes, he did make my list. Not because he's good looking but i began to develop interest when i saw him in "inside man". I look forward to see what this man makes of his future.

6. Edward Norton

Now, this is one man i cannot stop raving about. He's just my dream of an actor - one who works hard, does his homework and hates being famous. Ultimately, he just loves being an actor.

7. Ed Harris

Gosh, you should have seen this man in the truman show. Also in radio. He's just a pleasure to watch.

8. Samuel L. Jackson

Brilliant actor. Huge talent. Need i say more?

9. Tim Robbins

Watch him in mystic river and you'll understand.

10. Robin Williams

This man is a chameloen. First he gives you mrs doubtfire. Then, magically, he gives you john keating and sean maguire. A very versatile actor indeed!

the one with the workout

2007-12-22T14:10:00.000+08:00

Exercise baby let me see you spread on the floor
What you askin for?
Relax, I'm bout to give you some more
~busta rhymes~

Oh yeah, the instructor did gave me some more when i fell on my bum, hence me "spread on the floor". How am i supposed to relax after a workout like that?This is when i truly realised that i have totally lost all sense of coordination and timing. I swore that i am never going into her class until i have built my stamina.

I hope it would be soon since i liked the workout. One fine day...soon.

the one with grandma's day out

2007-12-21T23:14:00.000+08:00

Silver gray hair neatly combed in place.

There were four generations of love on her face.

She was so wise, no surprise passed her eyes,

She'd seen it all.

~dianne reeves~

Actually, it's just three generations. My Grandma has yet to experience the fourth generation.

Out of boredom, Mum and I decided to take my grandma out for the day. Heaving the wheelchair into Eddie, i was out of breath by the time we drove to Mid Valley.

She was stunned. Never knew a shopping complex can be that huge. I know how she feels.

So, we walked around. Mum wanted to buy her long-awaited shoes. But the model that she wanted was no longer available so she settled on this snazzy red pair. The only thing i bought (of which i really need) is a pair of flip-flops.

Finally, it came time for lunch. We earlier decided to eat rojak and cendol at the famous sec 17 stall. But then, my mum changed her mind and thought we should introduce something more current for my grandma. So we headed to Nando's.

Let me say, for sure, that this will be the last time i am ever stepping foot in that restaurant. Having pushed my grandma to the front and in obvious view of the waitress, she finds us a seat in the corner. Needless to say, my grandma's wheelchair makes it impossible to reach that table.

Come on, how insensitive can you get?

Then, having given us another table after pointing the difficulty, we eventually sat down and made to wait for almost 7 minutes for the waitress to hand us the menus.

What started my blood boiling was the fact that i overhear a waitress saying,

"La, ada wheelchair ke? Buat menyemak orang nak lalu je."
(Oh, there's a wheelchair? Makes it harder for anyone to pass through")

By then, i was ready to scream my lungs out. But for better judgment, i refrained.

My temper flared when despite numerous attempt calling for someone to take our order and raising my hand, no one came to take our order even after 15 minutes. I immediately left with my mum and grandma in tow.

So, to cool me down, i suggested Madam Kwan. For thier top-notch service and excellent menu. I was not disappointed. So was my mum and grandma. They took the trouble of locating us in an accessible table as well as making sure our trolley was well guarded.

The lesson for the day:

I have made it my personal vendetta against the Nando's restaurant in Mid Valley. May you run out of business soon and may people start hating your food. I hope that waitress who said the remark gets hit by a car and end up using a wheelchair for life.

Mess with my family and you mess with me. Capish?

Also, may the staffs of Madam Kwan in Mid Valley be rewarded ten-folds for their hospitality and good manners. Also for their quick service.

The ultimate aim: my mum and grandma had fun.

the one with how i spent my Eid

2007-12-20T23:13:00.000+08:00

Books are the quietest and most constant of friends; they are the most accessible and wisest of counselors, and the most patient of teachers. ~Charles W. Eliot~

Since it was the Eid, our day basically starts with congregational prayers at the mosque. Then , i braced myself for the boredom to kick in. My siblings are away this Eid so it was a quiet affair between my dad, my mum, my grandma and me.

Thankfully, Linda called saying she's coming. Yeay! The house was rocked with our voices as we raced to tell each other's updates. It was fun catching up. Linda also dished some dirt- our classmate is getting a divorce only after two years of marriage. Not to forget, recent nuptials which i was not aware of.

Then, she dropped the bomb. She is seeing someone. Someone new. They are already thinking of marriage. And the best part is - i know the guy. It's a great feeling when both of your friends decide to hook up.

Us both then decided to do something else and that's when i suggested that we go to Atria. There's a book sale and i've been itching to go.

Lastly, me and linda parted ways, not before i got my hands on gems like McCullers's the heart is a lonely hunter, orwell's nineteen eighty-four and wiesel's night (i've read it, just needed a copy of my own) and linda got herself a dictionary.

You could say i met both friends that day. My best friend and my "book" friend.

Best day of my life.

the one who i cannot stand.

2007-12-18T22:46:00.000+08:00

I don't know how to help you

I wish that I could tell you

~reba mcentire~

After having to commute from Shah Alam Court Complex in the morning and to the KL Court Complex in the evening, i was doggone tired.

A friend suggested we play cards at a nearby cafe to relieve some stress. Actually, he prefers chess but being the sore loser that i am, obviously i said no. So, cards it is.

Actually, the above was just a note i thought you all should know. It's not like me to sit in a cafe, having coffee and played cards to game i find confusing yet fun. But i did. You guys should try it.

What i really want to say was this:

Have you ever have a friend whom you cannot stand?One your friends also cannot stand.

Let's call this person Cat .

Right, go ahead. Jump the gun and call me a hypocrite. Whatever makes you happy.

Let me go on by telling, I am not. I just have this inability to say it to Cat's face that i cannot stand Cat. I cannot even recall how we became friends. We were merely acquaintances.

Seriously, i feel that i'm cheating on myself and to Cat for continuing in this charade. But i cannot bring myself to tell Cat. What the hell am i supposed to do? There is no lesser of two evils here. Telling it to Cat's face would be to break Cat's heart and to hurt Cat's feeling. But by not telling, i have to continue pretending.

There were times when i like having Cat's company. But most of the times, i was putting on a mask. It's not like i hate Cat or anything. It's not like Cat has done anything wrong.

Cat is fine. Cat is very likeable, i think. Cat does have a lot of friends. But i'm just not warming up to Cat. I tried, believe me, i tried. Very hard. I even prayed to Allah but i just cannot stand Cat.

What should i do? I've tried avoiding Cat but to no avail. Besides, i cannot just dismiss Cat like that. It would hurt's Cat's feelings. I've tried to give subtle hints but either Cat is too oblivious or my hints are too subtle to the point Cat does not get it.

Go ahead, judge me. At least i'm being honest. And i still don't know what to do.

the one with the things i would want to say

2007-12-17T12:46:00.000+08:00

'Cause I got something to say about it
And it goes something like this
~madonna~

Here's a list of things i wish i could say to certain people. Just give them right in the face. But, the rational side of me always steps in.

1. To a clerk/officer at a government office...

Hello kak/makcik, saya dah tanya elok-elok. Dah senyum macam monyet. Dah siap puji baju awak tu lawa. Itupun muka awak tu dah masam macam cuka. Kalau tak suka buat kerja ni, berhenti je la. Tak berkat duit gaji tu kalau asyik merungut je.

(Hello miss/sister, i've already asked you nicely. Already gave you my biggest(fake) smile. Already gave you a compliment about your lovely(not!) dress. And you still give me that awful face. If you don't like the job, just quit. Your pay is just not blessed if you keep complaining.

2. To a clerk/interpreter/officer in the courts..

Me: Cik/Puan, nak check extraction OR nak jumpa Encik..../Puan..... (Miss/Madam, i want to check extraction OR i want to see Mr...../Miss....)

Clerk: Cik tunggu sekejap ye. (Please wait..)

(after an hour)...

Me: Cik/Puan, tadi matter saya tue..(Miss/Madam, about my matter...)

Clerk: Oh ye..yang ni eh..tunggu kejap eh..(baru start telefon) (oh yeah, this matter, you mean? Wait please)(only then she starts calling the person in charge)

(after another 20 minutes)

Me: Cik/Puan, so matter saya?(Miss/Madam, so my matter?)

Clerk: Owh..file tu takde OR orang yang cik nak jumpa tu cuti/m.c/takde kat tempat dia. Cik boleh datang esok?(Oh. The file is not available OR the person you want to see is on leave/m.c/is not at his/her place. Can you come tomorrow?)

Awak biar saya tunggu sampai nak dekat dua jam untuk bagitau saya ITU?Takkan jawapan macam tu pun ambik masa sejam nak proses. Dungu sangat ke?Kan ke boleh cakap siang-siang suruh datang esok.

(You made me wait almost two hours for THAT answer?You actually take that long to give me that pathetic answer. Are you that imbecile?Wouldn'n it be easier if you had just told me earlier to come back tomorrow)

3. To the person using the lift to up OR down one level

Pemalas benar awak ni. Mahal sangat ke kasut tu sampai tak boleh nak guna tangga. Ke sendiri tak sedar diri tu bukan anak raja?Bersenam la sikit, jangan sampai lemak tu berkumpul.

(You are such a lazy ass!What, your shoe so goddamn expensive you cannot use the stairs? Or you are just oblivious to the fact you are not royalty?Exercise a bit, don't let the fat settle.)

4. To the person talking to you on a phone (usually, some delivery/customer service some company provides)
e.g

Phone Operator: Hellowelcometomcdonaldscanihelpyou?(saying all this in one short breath)

Me: Yeah, i'd like to place an order.

PO: Whatwoulditbemiss?

Me: blah..blah (basically telling the PO my order)

PO:letmerepeatyourordermiss.thatwouldbe(my order).isthat correct?thetotalisrm11.49yourordernumberis11234andplease signthereceiptbeforetakingyourmerchandise.

Me: What???

Look sista, i paid for you to listen to me. But i also paid for me to listen to you. What use is the information you are telling me if you intend to make it incomprehensible?Do you have some kind of time limit that you have to adhere to?Or do you plan on having only idiots listen to you?

See, i'm not being grumpy, cynical and sarcastic for fun. The world i live is actually filled with idiots. But we malaysians are just so full with hospitality and good manners i.e budi bahasa that we refrain from doing the above. As a result, the above idiots exist.

I'm not dismissing good manners and the like. When the occasion calls for it, i do practice it. And there are people who are worthy of such practices. But sometimes, i feel that such niceties should be dispensed with when dealing with people who just don't deserve it.

I mean, really..

the one with line dancing

2007-12-16T21:19:00.000+08:00

please don't be so shy

come on, just give it a try for me

don't you feel the beat

it's as easy as one, two, three

~gloria estefan~

Call me pathetic but i kinda like gloria's lyrics since it personified the exact situation i found myself in today.

So, today i tried line dancing. I was not alone though. My friend joined me. Thinking i danced all throughout my primary schooldays for the school's dance team, i thought this wasn't going to be so hard.

I was dead wrong. I was the absolute "wood" personified.

I stopped dancing when i entered high school. So all these years of my dancing feet being dormant, i couldn't even get the simplest steps down. All of a sudden, i felt like my seven-year-old self trying to learn tap dancing for the first time.

How i suffered.

I was already contemplating leaving the class when the chinese lady next to, about twice my age said to me,

"It doesn't matter if you don't have the steps dear. Beside, this is your first time. Just enjoy the music and dance. Who cares about the steps?"

Then, it hit me. She was so right. After all, the purpose was to have fun and of course, do some exercise. So, i finally let go and danced away. No fretting on not getting the steps. As if by magic, i got to follow the steps once i let go.

A little bit of salsa, a dash of cha-cha and i was on fire.

The lady was right. Who cares about the steps?. Just have fun.

And i did.

the one with joseph fernandez

2007-12-15T23:48:00.000+08:00

let the music play

dance your life away, be free

don't you know that with the music

you're dancing all your troubles away

~gloria estefan~

I went to a traditional dance show at the aswara tonight. Marvellous!Entertaining. Magical.

It's amazing. While we are so hell-bent on worshipping anything non-malaysian, there are still those who hold tight to our grassroots, namely joseph fernandez. He is one of the activists i know of who simply brush aside naysayers who dismiss malaysian dancers and strive to cultivate a love for it. And i thank him for that.

Be it contemporary or traditional, mr. fernandez is like a chameleon who changes from either choreography with ease. I find his contemporary dances stimulating and his traditional ones vibrant.

Besides, the tickets are dirt cheap, if you ask me. What more do you need. A top-notch performance by talented students who demonstrates passion and composed by a world-class teacher only at a fraction of the price.

Another plus point, i always been a patron of the arts. Mum and i have been huge fans of the shows at aswara simply because they do not disappoint. They are, in my opinion, the true performers. Exhibiting passion and gumption, i always find that watching the shows at aswara is more of an escape. You leave your troubles and problems at the door and just let the dancers transport you to enjoy the beauty of movements and the fluidity of gestures. Simply relaxing.

Money well spent. Now, if only i can find my dancing shoes...(kidding..)

the one with a play or adaptation

2007-12-14T23:38:00.000+08:00

"Ayuh bertarung, biar berkecai tulang dan daging"

This is one of the lines from a theater I saw tonight (actually, a "bangsawan play") loosely adapted from the renowned Shakespeare's Macbeth.

Overall, it was okay. Nothing much to harp on actually. But honestly, i think it is one thing that malaysians lack.

Originality. Why form a play you took from a non-malaysian source and adapted it to a malaysian context? Wouldn't it be just as good forming your own storyline, one theme close to our hearts?One that i can relate to. I don't need shakespeare, thackeray, or dickens dictate what my community and country is all about.

It's not like we have no material to work with. I believe malaysians are a creative bunch. So why don't we put that creative juice to good use? Don't let it go to waste.

And please, no more adaptations.

the one with feeling guilty

2007-12-14T14:23:00.000+08:00

We all go through life like bulls in a china shop. A chip here, a crack there. Doing damage to ourselves, to other people. The problem is trying to figure out how to control the damage we've done, or that's been done to us. Sometimes the damage catches us by surprise. Sometimes we think we can fix the damage. And sometimes the damage is something we can't even see.

My day started out fine though a tad sleepy. But then a series of things pop up. And then i wonder. What happened?

My friend even said to me: "Hello, space cadet!Did your mind and body travelled separately today?"

1. Honestly, i thought me not going to his long call today was not that big a deal.

Me (sending a text message): Salam..dear F, sorry i could not make it to your call. I have some matters to attend to in KL Court. But anyway, congratulations Mr Advocate & Solicitor! I promise i'll make it up to you.

F: (immediately called after receiving the message) So, Na...you are not coming?(sounding disappointed and devastated)..

Me: So sorry. I can't..

F: Okay. Bye. (very abruptly hung the phone)

Me: ????

Sure, he did call me 3 times this week just to remind me of coming to his call. But, surely, he has other friends who would be there. Why bother about me?

Was he hurt? I don't know.
Did i cause some damage back there?
My mind: Nope. You did nothing wrong.
My heart: Hell yeah. You hurt him bad.

Wait a minute! I am just his friend. Someone he confides in. Nothing more. Sure, he did pay a wee bit extra attention to me, but that was it.

So, why do I feel guilty now?

2. I got a text this afternoon from Ogy.

Ogy: Na, nak tengok gambar A kahwin tak?(Na, do you want to see A's wedding pictures?)
*Note: A is my ex.

Me: Okay.

Ogy: Go to this website.....**********.fotopages.com

So, i saw his wedding pictures. Then i wonder.

Having been with him for almost two years, i can now positively guarantee that he is not happy.
Trust me, i know. His pictures do not show him in his happiest mood. And i know, how does his happiest look like.

Did he rush the marriage? I think so.
Is he happy? Nope.
Did i hurt him? Right on. You asked for it.

It would never occur to you that you would causing that much damage. I mean, come on, in the second case, the relationship was faltering. It takes two in a relationship and i'm flying solo. What was i to do? I saw it coming. He saw it too. But pretended not to see.

So, why do i feel guilty now?

the one with a waste of time

2007-12-13T22:07:00.000+08:00

What a waste of my time

What a waste

What a waste of my time

~the cranberries~

Honestly, i don't understand what the hoopla is all about.

I watched two movies today. Both did not do justice, either to the esteemed actor or even the publicity.

What i can say, my two-cents worth, that golden compass movie is just not worth of my money. What a disappointment. The storyline was weak and basically jumping from one scene to another. My guess was they were trying to fit as much scenes as possible in two hours, making it a mish-mash of mess. And the characterization and the development of each character was stunted. I was bored 30 minutes into the movie.

Another movie was i am legend. Another flop. Will Smith's potrayal of doctor robert, disillusioned with devastation and loneliness, almost similar to his character of Del Spooner. That cynical and weary look are identical. But i have to give credit, though the storyline was laughable but will's acting helps make it bearable. Thank god for that.

But, seriously, what a waste of time.

the one with liars and imposters

2007-12-12T11:54:00.000+08:00

I'm surrounded by liars
Everywhere I turn
I'm surrounded by imposters
Everywhere I turn
I'm surrounded by identity crisis
Everywhere I turn
Am I the only one who noticed?
I can't be the only one who's learned

1. Do not underestimate me. Just because i may look naive, harmless and easily intimidated, doesn't mean i won't bite. I just pretend to be just to see what mistakes you will make.

2. In each and every nook and cranny of human interaction, there's bound to be some sort of gossip-ing going around Believe it and don't deny it. Useless trying to fight it. I just listen, pretend not to hear a thing, never joining in and pray each day that Allah forgives my sin for even listening.

3. Why are we so hell-bent in changing our appearance? Does it even matter what highlights you are using on your hair or what colour even? I knew this one girl who was so ecstatic she finally bought herself hair colouring and actually make me put in on for her. Want to know what the ridiculous part was..she wears tudung. I mean, come on..either that is idiotic or just plain vain.

4. Seriously, brother. If you feel that while waiting in line gives me a chance for you to keep groping your girlfriend, then it would be appropriate if i called you a lust-crazed-hormone-driven sex maniac. Please lah, how cheap can you get? A room in chow kit probably cost less than the movie ticket.

Indeed, world is filling up with imposters, liars and people who are lost. Jangan jadi lalang. Don't be a cow either(you know..the herd mentality).

the one with what the ****?

2007-12-11T09:44:00.000+08:00

What's going on

Ya, what's going on

Tell me what's going on

I'll tell you what's going on

~Marvin Gaye~

Seriously, i just don't understand. Why let emotions get in the way? Why abandon all sense of common sense and logic?Why are you causing ripples in a calm pond?
(Note: I disassociate myself from ever making comments. I don't profess to side with any party or person. I just find it simply disturbing. The country is facing yet another devastating flood that causes lives and losses but other things are more news-worthy. Malaysian Boleh!)

Great, I have not lost my sarcasm.

the one with me being M.I.A

2007-12-10T14:56:00.000+08:00

But the world is full of unexpected twists and turns.

And just when you’ve gotten the lay of the land, the ground underneath you shifts.

And knocks you off your feet.

~Meredith Grey~

Yep, that's right. I know, i know. I haven't been blogging for a while. I guess this is the longest i have gone without putting in a entry.

First and foremost, updates. This surely will be a long one, so please bear with me while i get the prelims out of the way.

30/11/2007

Was not in the mood of doing work. But i did have a submission which I had to submit by the end of the day. Only i didn't get to finish it. A long-standing client of ours and a long-time friend of my boss is dropping in for updates on her file.

Let me just give you the brief facts. Her late father was a insanely rich businessman who died in 1988. So, for almost twenty years, we have been trying to extract her LA but something always pops up. Being a rich man, he has businesses all over and sadly, not all are known to his family nor to us, his solicitors. So, my boss has spent the last fifteen years trying to compile his assets and liabilties but every year there would always be a creditor or a debtor giving/claiming money.

Long story made short, we are now, finally, in the process of extracting the said LA. Instead of just being a short meeting, my boss decided to also reminisce on old times and catch up with the latest buzz of the client's family and blah..blah..blah..

Since i was required to be in the meeting, my submission was halted. In the end, my boss just wanted to see how much progress i've made and eventually, wanted to do the submission herself.(I guess she felt sorry for me for having to endure twenty years of reminiscing).

So, having had a tiring week and today was payday, I wanted to spurlge by treating myself to the ridiculously expensive Starbucks. A friend wanted to join and the night ended with him giving me a treat and us playing a game of chess.

The finale: i lost the game. But i got my frappucino.

1/12/2007

Yes, it was a Saturday. The day to sleep in till late noon. But it was not meant to be. I have to attend an auction at BTS. So, to compensate for my lack of sleep, i chose to watch a movie instead.

I watched two actually. "Enchanted" and"Hitman". Not like i have any other choice. Both movies was okay. My rating for enchanted is C+ and hitman is B-. Sure, catchy songs might do the trick but it just lacks characterization. Just a basic feel-good, lovey-dovey movie made to score some moolah at the box-office. Hitman, on the other hand, is gory and messy. I only watch it for the eye-candy. Storyline, though, makes no sense.

2/12/2007

Today was the day i had to finish a project i undertook to do. Just some side income work. Just enough for me to pay my car payments for the next 9 months. Okay, i was kidding. A notable sum and i'm glad.

I did hop over to my bro's house in Subang Bestari for a get-together-cum-belated-birthday bash for a couple of hours. Then, my designated driver, my other brother, decided to make a quick dash to KLCC. This is when i saw the ultimate car. A Merc painted all solid metallic black, leaving it looking like a Batmobile. Schweet!

3/12/2007

Today was uneventful and boring. The ordinary work and labor.

4/12/2007

This was the first day i had taken EDDIE to work. By the way, Eddie is my beloved auto. We started the day by dropping my mum off at the hospital to do her badly needed acupunture session. The, off to the office where i completed the finishing touches on the project which i'm supposed to submit yesterday.

Picked up my mates at the Dayabumi, drove to Shah Alam Court Complex, settled our affairs and then to Alam Sentral for lunch. Did some window shopping and then hurried to KL Court Complex. Lastly, made it back to office with only two hours before checking out.

I had fun that day. Eddie and i get to spend quality time together and i was having a blast driving my friends around. We even sang loudly when this oldie came on the radio. Classic good time!

5/12/2007

Another day of work. The only downside: yours truly had a fever. But i still went to work. Not the kind to take a medical leave.

Which brings me to the question..what is the BIG deal?So i never take leave. Honestly, i don't see why. My limbs can move and i haven't lost any of my five senses. So quit bugging me about me not ever taking any leave.

P/S: i was, however, released early from work due to urging from my boss and collegue. Seeing i cannot stop coughing and they were afraid of me spreading the disease.Huh! The nerve...

6/12/2007

Let's just say i had done something today, something i never thought i would do.Like joining FF and losing to three games of chess. To the same person. One game only took about 3 minutes.

I can actually feel a big "L-O-S-E-R" forming on my forehead. Luckily the victor was not one to gloat. Instead, we ended our game that night with a religious discussion. Talk about coffee talk.

7/12/2007

Yep, the end of the week. I had attended court in the morning and by the time i reached the office, it was time to work on that twenty-year-old file again. Sheesh..

8/12/2007

Seeing that i was home alone and i've got time to waste, i decided to give eddie a wash and a vacumm. Boy, did he shine like a new quarter. And i was the smiling imp. Though i was tired.

The rest of what had happened during the weekend was negligible. No offense to anyone, though.

So, having done my updates, i do have a lot on my mind that i need to put down. Real soon. Before some other issue takes over and i totally forget what i have to say.

Till then, i have to sign off. Adios, mi amigos.

the one with emotion

2007-11-28T14:20:00.000+08:00

It's just emotion

Taking me over

~destiny's child~

Right on. Ever notice how most of the things we do today are driven by emotion rather than thought? Even though we say it's for the betterment of others. Even though we have no ulterior purpose.

I say bullshit. If you can show me one man who does what he does without having any interest whatsover in it then i can eat my words. The world has come to a point that a person pursuing something, even for the sake of others has some sort of share in it himself directly or indirectly. Trust me. There's no such thing as "for the people's sake" anymore.

That concept has long gone. Yes, you may call me a cynic. Believe what you want. But, remember, freedom of speech. I'm entitled to my views, right.

Like i said, more to emotion than thought. The more publicity there is, the more worked up we get. I remember saying in response to Edmund Bon's question whether human rights is destructive that human rights as a concept is never destructive but the pursuit of it is destructive in all forms.

I was right.

And eventually another cause will pop up, shifting our focus to some other matter and the earlier hoo-ha fracas will die a quick death. Will be slip beneath the cracks and ultimately swept under the rug.

So, here's to whoever. May you achieve or gain whatever.

*note: this is the closest thing i will do on giving comments of current issues. The only reason i did was simply coming back from a meeting with my boss, while driving, gave her two cent's worth of opinions. The above is what i had expressed and she was in agreement. Just thought i'd share that with you.

*wink*

the one with knowing myself

2007-11-27T11:47:00.000+08:00

Ti duskolon? To eautōn gnōnai.
"What is hard? To know yourself".

I must admit, knowing myself is one the things that i am still struggling with. There are times when you are so sure of your principles, ideals, views and decisions that you were convinced you could take on the world.

I have been proven wrong many times. Sometimes, it doesn't even have to be a major event but a tiny minuscule detail can trigger uncertainty in oneself.

Ever reminisce of any decisions made in the past that just made you wonder "what if". Sure, the "what if" argument could go on forever once attempted but you just cannot help yourself.

What if i had taken up engineering instead of law?
What if i chosen to marry him when he proposed?
What if i chose to be in the "group" when i was in high school?

Yes, it's hard. This process of knowing yourself. You sometimes get swayed by other's opinions or views and in that process, you lost yourself.

It then takes another chunk of your life trying to pull yourself together and begin another discovery of yourself again.

Gosh, i sound like a suicidal maniac. I assure you, i'm not.

Why the sudden melancholy?Maybe triggered by an old flame's news of getting married. Should i be sad or relieved? Maybe a mixture of both.

Look, i chose to break it off. At the time, it was a wise decision. Now, i'm not so sure.

People keep saying to me, "its better to be with someone who loves you rather than being with someone you love". In actual fact, he loves me a lot. Unconditional.Do i regret now that he's getting hitched? And not to me?

I honestly don't know. I'm glad though he's moving on with his life but i am saddened by the fact he's moving at a much faster rate than i am. So does that mean, i want to get married now?

No. Though i am open to the idea of marriage, i just haven't found the guy yet. I don't need to fall madly in love, i just need a companion. One who i can live with for the rest of my life and he the same. Love, for me, can come after the marriage.

This leaves me with a question. If knowing yourself is hard, then what about knowing someone else? Would it be easier or harder?

Wallahu A'lam. I leave it to the Almighty. Tawakkal Al Allah.

the one with week update

2007-11-24T21:14:00.000+08:00

"Life is an occasion. Rise to it."~ Mr. Magorium~

Well, it was the weekend and my nieces are here for the school holidays. What was i to do? I couldn't bring them to watch "Hitman". The repercussions would be unimaginable.

But, i must say, it was a letdown. Suffice if i tell you, my niece fell asleep halfway through the movie. Sheesh, no magic there, i guess.

So i guess i should also apologize for not writing an entry for almost a week. Been so caught up with various activities. Just expect this entry to be a long one.

Monday- 19.112007

All the firm's chambering were assigned to be on duty at this one particular event at one of the hotels in town.

All the hoo-ha about being there early and on time was merely hot air. Honestly, standing around with nothing to do and looking like idiots was not my idea of being on duty.

My ushering duty was worthless also. All the VIPs ended up being escorted by the top management themselves, leaving us standing like "pak pacak". Ultimately, it all boils down to poor management(maybe even poor organization surely).

By 11am we were dismissed and i was trotting back to office to finish a submission which i have to submit by tomorrow morning.

So, the day was filled with me looking for cases to support my point and ended with me driving a friend's wira to his apartment. You must be lost trying to understand my story.

Okay, here goes..the moment i reached the office, i scampered to find cases for this foreclosure matter. Sure, i could use precedents but there are some new issues which i could elaborate on. Hence, new cases.

Then, a friend requested for me to stay after work. He needs help driving his wira back to his apartment. Why you ask? His dad has left his car with him so he cannot possibly drive two cars, right? Enter yours truly.

It didn't matter anyway. Looking for precedents and forming a submission dragged well into the night, forcing me to bring my work back with me. Finally the time came for me to drive to drive the wira. The traffic wasn't so bad so i wasn't half as nervous as i thought driving somebody else's car.

But the highlight of my night was when i was introduced to Volvo XC 90. My friend's car. Damn, smooth and sleek. Me saying this even though i hate big cars, SUV-like.

The day, however, did not end with him dropping me off at home. The night went on as i managed an hour's sleep then waking up to finish and complete my submission.

Tuesday -20.11.2007

Well, you could say my day started early as i was already up by 3am. Triumphantly completed the submission by 5am. Amazing, ain't it.

Reached the office by 6.45am to drop off the submission and was on my way back to the same hotel i was at yesterday for the same worthless duty. And again, it did not disappoint me. Standing around with nothing to do is a serious waste of manpower. Somebody should whack the management right in the head.

Moving on, we were dismissed by 11-ish am only to be told to come back at 6.30pm to prepare for the gala dinner. Ooh, i can't wait (NOT!).

Reaching the office, having cleared the clutter on my table, went to KL court complex for a matter i had in the afternoon.

Rushing back to office and barely time to settle some loose ends and for prayers, i was in the car on my way to the hotel. Once there, without a doubt, the management made us wait to be given our assignments, which they didn't give until 8.00pm.

Our assignments was that we were supposed to escort the VIPs to their respective table. But since the assignment was given a little too late, the patrons of the dinner were already basically barging in through the dinner hall leaving us to look, again, like idiots.

I was fuming but i couldn't say nothing. The management also happens to be people from my firm. So, i knew better to keep my mouth shut. But, the night has some consolation. We were told to fill in spaces in the table and magically, i ended up with another mate at our firm's partners table.

Awkward does not begin to describe how both of us felt at that time. We did not even dare to take a sip of water let alone converse.

But this is when i learned one of the biggest lesson of my life. No matter how big their position is or how experienced they were or even the age difference between us, the partners were essentially human themselves. They are not immortal and they are not infallible.

They made us feel at ease and treated us like equals. They also made it a point to tease me as i was the only rose among the thorns.

So, all in all, i didn't perform my duty but i gained a new perspective.

Wednesday- 21.11.2007

I didn't came in for work. Got that idiotic ethics thing. Another of my day wasted just to attend a bunch of lawyers coming speaking of the dignity and yada..yada..yada. Sure i want to pay attention but it get kinda old when each of them more or less repeats the same thing. And always they will remind us about the walk for justice bullshit. Right, i understand your fight but there's no need to keep harping about it. Look, you don't have to justify your actions to us. We get it!.

How pathetic can you get? What is it that you want? Sympathy or publicity?Sheesh.

And the next person who says, "we are not here to fail you" is going to get a big kick in his john-john. Please, spare me that talk. Your "not-here-to-fail-you" system is ulitmately rubbish when you don't even have a transparent system of evaluation. You don't even have a system where the pupils can re-check their results. You don't even explain what the exorbitant sum we continuously pay is for.

Also, it does not help that you organize super-secret sessions for those who fail but are exempted from attending further lectures or even paying that ridiculous sum. And talking about ethics, you don't even assure to us if the food you are serving are halal and no leeway is given for those who wants to perform their prayers.

Talk about lawyers and their bloody ethics. If not for me wanting to be a lawyer, i wouldn't give a damn about the organisation that fails to talk the walk.

Thursday-22.11.2007

Had the exams in the morning and later cruised to Greenwood. To my mum's best friend's house. Her daughter is getting married. Did i forget to tell you, her daughter also happens to be a good friend of mine. And, my ex is best friends with the groom. They have been friends since they were kids.Talk about coincidence or maybe just that the world is getting smaller.

About this upcoming wedding, i need a whole other entry. Beside, i have pictures to upload.

Just let me summarize the week, it was hectic, yes. It was eventful, yes. It was life-changing, in a way. It was just the way i like it. Definitely an occasion i wouldn't miss.

the one with the time of my life

2007-11-17T23:48:00.000+08:00

I hope you had the time of your life
So take the photographs, and still frames in your mind
Hang it on a shelf in good health and good time
Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial
For what it's worth it was worth all the while
~greenday~

Since both of my parents are away at my cousin's wedding(they were gone since wednesday), the house was noticeably empty and quiet. Yours truly was about to die of boredom if not for her brother calling to see whether i wanted to eat lunch or not.

The result: One fantastic-superbly delicious curry with white rice under the sunny breeze of bangsar with sizzling hot fried chicken and thirst-quenching teh o ais.

Let me give you a sneek peek.

Sorry, the food was gone really fast. Didn't have a chance to took a photo of the "before".

Total meal: 7 plates of white rice (shared almost equally between my bro, me, his girlfriend and her sister), 7 cups of teh o ais and 8 pieces of chicken.

Anyone who wishes to have a taste of this divine meal , give me a holler.

Next on the agenda, we all went to mid valley and consequently the gardens. my first vist there. Don't understand though what the hoopla is all about.

So, while my brother's girlfriend is browsing, i chose to sit on the benches provided with my brother. What happens next is hilarious.

My brother decides to go into this fashion-police-squad-mode. We began observing what other people were wearing and gave our two cent's worth. Funniest commentaries i've ever heard.

Trust me, laughing hard on a full stomach is not advisable.

If that wasn't enough, later that night we had sate at this malaysiana stall (i'n not really sure if it qualifies as a stall, though), the walls filled with pictures of our previous Agongs and Prime Ministers. The sate, i tell you, was not only juicy but the portions were huge, considering the usual sate fare would be minimal at best.

Here's a preview:

And all through the meal, my brother recounts his tale or anecdotes about his friends. Which, again, gave me another laughing fit.

I guess you'll never know how a boring day can turn its way around and instantly becomes one of the moments where you can definitely say,

"Today, I had the time of my life".

the one with i love my friends

2007-11-15T23:44:00.000+08:00

Keep smiling, keep shining
Knowing you can always count on me for sure
That's what friends are forFor good times, and bad times
I'll be on your side forevermore
That's what friends are for
~rod stewart~

Yes, there's no use denying it. I had a good time. Thursday has always been a good day for me.

As usual, the eventful DB. This being my last session makes it bittersweet. I will miss hanging out with the police when matters get stood down or times i've spent with my mates. I will miss lunch in the court cafe with long tables and my mates chilling out and having a good laugh. I will miss MY MATES MOSTLY!!!

Greatly missed is Vic who had a super secret rendezvous he had to go to. My partner-in-crime, you had a lot to make up to me, my friend.

But,there's the genting trip i have to look forward to. More laughter and wackiness waiting to happen. Another two and a half weeks to go.

Having had the afternoon free, i decided to watch a movie to kill time. The guys found out and suddenly, instead of watching it alone, i had three of my mates to join me.

No clue as what to watch, we haphazardly decided on beowulf. Bad idea!.

I honestly thought it was a real live movie but to my suprise, it was a live 3D, stop-animation, manga-like disaster. However, it was at some point entertaining.

I guess having a witty and funny-as-hell mates helped in making the movie bearable.

Friends like them are indeed, priceless. Your day can suddenly turn from gloomy and dreary to sunny-side-up.

And, the after-the-movie-hot-chocolate helps as well.

Conclusion:

1. I had FUN!
2. I enjoyed myself.
3. Friends makes it all worthwhile.
4. I absolutely LOVE my friends.

Ooh, what a cliche, you may say. Who cares?. My blog, my thoughts.

To top off my cherry for the evening, i got a TAG watch, courtesy of my brother. Thanks dude!

Life is B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L!

the one with a good job

2007-11-13T10:59:00.000+08:00

Oh, i can get the job well done

Jus throw me a little opportunity

And i'll prove it to you

i'm the one

~derailers~

Conversation in Court:

Lawyer for Defendant ("LFD") :Wow, you people really work fast. You filed both the applications (a summary judgement application and an ex-parte summons in chambers application to resist removal of caveat) in such a short time. We were very surprised, you know.

My Boss ("MB") : Well, the case calls for it. Besides, we have to look out for client's interest, don't we?

LFD : Yes, correct, correct. By the way, you must have really good support from your team to do this as quick as you had done.

MB : As a matter of fact, i have.

She related this conversation to me when she got back from Court. This was actually her way of saying "Good job, well done" instead of coming out and saying it to my face since I did both applications.

Mind you, she's very selective of the praise or appreciation that she gives. So, i thought the gesture was a long time coming.

*pat on the back*

the one with my wishlist plan

2007-11-12T09:04:00.000+08:00

"Goals are dreams with deadlines" ~Diana Hunt~

In the coming weeks, i might not be diligently posting entries as i was before.

Reason being, I'm trying to finalise my wishlist for 2008. I've been working on it since Merdeka. I've realised, though i may have some achievements to my credit but there's a whole lot more i need to be doing. You know...things like books i haven't read that i wish to read in 2008 or things i hoped to see or experience.

There..i've said it first. Selfish and vain as i may be, i've stated my idea. Now, if the next moron wishes to be a copycat, be my guest.

One thing for sure, i plan to publish this early next month. Not when the next day is new year or right after new year. Personally, i think that is either pathetic or just useless. Pathetic in a sense that it is a "everybody is stating their goals so why not me" kind of thing. Useless in a sense doing it at the last minute merely goes to show that your goals or whatsoever that you wish to tell is just an afterthought. You know, like "oh, it's new year so i must have a goal" thing.

Yeah, go ahead. Call me a narcissist wacko. Who cares. Freedom of speech, right. Justice..yada..yada..yada. Whatever makes you happy.

2008, here i come.

the one with my family rules!

2007-11-11T22:38:00.000+08:00

In time of test, family is best. ~Burmese Proverb~

The best cure to cure any "negative" feelings or energy surrounding karma is family. At least that's what i think. After my last "episode", i thought it best for the whole human race that i get my dose of family anasthetic..you know to lessen the human bashing and tongue lashing.

So, on friday, me and mum spent quality time shopping at Giant. The things we talked about while browsing through maggi and vitagens is extensive.

Then, on saturday, me, mum, my sis -in-law, her mother and her two kids plus my sis's son went to my nephew's kindergarten concert at APIIT smart school. Believe me, watching two to six year olds strutting their stuff to cha-cha or even high school musical is entertaining.

And today, me and Dad went car shopping. Yours truly now owns a car. Yippee!!

After picking my sis up in Pudu and had our lunch at home, we then dashed to Queen's Park with my bro and his girlfriend. Though i did try on these cute little brown suede peep-toe wedges but they were wee bit too high for me.

What i love was not the places that we went or the things we had to do but basically the times spent together. I laughed so hard and enjoyed myself immensely these two days that i ultimately forgot what i was so angry about.

La Familia Rules!

the one with i am "angry"

2007-11-09T14:48:00.000+08:00

For every minute you are angry, you lose sixty seconds of happiness. ~Author Unknown~

I seriously wish i have a punching bag right now.

Why is it that i always get involved in other people's problems?Why is it that i always get entangled in other's affairs?

I don't want to. I never wanted to. But why does it keep coming for me? Am i some kind of magnet that keeps attracting people with problems? Is it written on my forehead in bright neon saying,

" Share your problem with me. Let me part of it. The more messed up, the better."

Sometimes, i just wish i could stay away from these homosapiens and live a solitary life. But, i love my family and friends too much.

It's just that these selected so-called humans have this inate need to make others be involved in their affairs. What's worse, you started out as the outsider but then, unexpectedly and unbelievably, you are now an active member. The funny thing is, the problem does not involve you in any way.

The mistake i did was just to lend a listening ear. Somehow or rather, this jackass finds it an all-entry passport to harass you and burden you with their problems. Hoping that you will work it out for them instead of doing it themselves.

Please, spare me your misery, toils or trouble. I'm beginning to regret what i did. I should never have lent you my ears.

Please don't get me wrong. I have nothing against people with problems. In fact, my friends can vouch that i am a good listener. I do help out when i think my contribution is worthwhile. And i do go out of my way to help my friends, when the occasion calls for it.

What i'm talking here is when the problem is between two people..let's say A & B.
The person causing the problem is A. You are, unfortunately, friends with A.
He consults you and voila, suddenly A is placing it on your shoulders to solve the problems between A & B. And A, now merely just watches from the sidelines. He running away from the problem and expects to solve it for him. Immediately.

Wait a minute! What the hell just happen here?

How did i get sucked into this whirlwind in the first place?

Geez..that's my whole day gone to waste. I could have had eight (maybe nine..) hours of blissful work day. Instead, i have grey skies looming above my head.

My advice:

People, grow up!!
Learn to take responsibilities.
Don't say you are an adult but hide at the first obstacle that hits you.
Don't use/manipulate/beg/coerce/force/entice other people to solve your problems for you.

And lastly, be/think/act rational. Emotional outbursts never helps.

the one with i am happy!

2007-11-07T20:53:00.000+08:00

What a wonderful life I've had! I only wish I'd realized it sooner. ~Colette~

Yup..there i've said it.

I'm truly blessed and happy. With so much going on in my life, Allah has bestowed one of His precious Gifts for me.He gave me happiness.

And for that i say,

Ya Allah,
Sesungguhnya aku bersyukur padamu
Sesungguhnya aku sedar akan nikmat yang telah Kau berikan
Sesungguhnya nikmat yang Kau berikan memang tidak tertanding
Sesungguhnya aku tunduk akan Kebesaran-Mu
Ya Allah.

Why the sudden revelation?

I was truly hit with an ephiphany today.

Remember my entry about history happening twice to me? About two separate guys, whom both already had a girlfriend but had fallen in love with me?

My solution to both was to run as far away as i could. It was hard, though, i can admit that. Not because i fell in love with them . But, simply because i had found in both of them, a true gem of a best friend.

One which i never had before this.

How would you feel if:

1. a person knew how to read your every body language, your face movements and your mannerism,

2. a person actually knowing what's inside your head without you speaking out loud.

3. a person can truly and really finish your sentence for you as you are talking.

4. a person who, believe it or not, can feel something is wrong with you though he's not by your side.

5. a person who shares your interests without losing his individuality.

6. a person who is bluntly honest and critisize you no matter what, knowing that "sorry" and "hate" does not exist in friendships.

7. a person who is not afraid to disagree with you, knowing that we agree to diagree.

In short, a person who knows you inside out. These two men were just that.

I found it once with Mr.J. Though i was sad to see him go (he's not dead, just went and got married), yet till now i'm still blessed with his friendship. He hasn't changed. We are still friends.

Now, i found it again. And again, i have to let him go. We will remain friends, though.

Allah works in mysterious ways, indeed.

HE has already decided that both were not meant to be with me. Yet He blesses me with their everlasting friendship.

I have been very secretive. Always using smiles and laughter to mask the emotions i have. Never one to appear frail and fragile to the world. Yet by chance, i've met two men who sees right through the wall that i built around myself.

I took me this long to realize it.

Only with these two i can really appear as the true person that i am. No pretentions. No facade. Just me.

Ya Allah,
Aku sangat bersyukur pada-Mu.

Also, Allah gave me something i never had chance to express how grateful i am.

My family.
My strict yet full of wisdom father.
My quirky yet filled-with-love mother.
My sarcastic yet witty sister.
My down-to-earth yet easygoing brother in law.
My logical yet zany brother (no 1).
My pretty yet amusing sister-in-law.
My wacky yet savvy-about-almost everything brother (no 2).
My hyper-active, smart, perky, full-of-energy nephews and nieces.

A mismatch of sorts yet we love each other anyways.

Which is why i say, the life i have is indeed wonderful.

Two precious friendships..
One magnficient family.

Life does not get any better than this.

the one with going insane

2007-11-05T10:15:00.000+08:00

di malam ini
aku mahu bersendiri
bertemankan sunyi
untukku terangkan hati
selama ini
kerap saja dikaluti
di saat ini
ku lupakan segala
masalah dunia yang sering melanda
sementara
walaupun tuk sementara

kala tiba masanya ku perlu
mengambil waktu untuk diriku
bukan mementingkan diri
hanya menjamin ku waras saat ini
dalam dunia yang penuh dengan liku-liku
dan dugaan

Duniaku ini
semuanya bermentari
tiada awan duka
untuk menghujani luka
ku bahagia
walaupun tuk sementara

So much has happened. I did not know i would feel like this. Was i able to see it coming?I don't know.

What should i do?

I need to be alone right now. I need to gather my thoughts.

Usually i have this "take charge" attitude, facing problems head on. I don't let it dwell. But this is an exception.

Why must it be so hard? or am i just being a drama queen.

Right now, i just need to be alone. To gather my thoughts. Plan my next action. Think of the consequences. Weigh my options.

Why can't i just throw everything to the wall and see what sticks? It would be so much simpler.

But life never is. I know that. Don't you think i know that?

My friend always say..our mind and instinct may not travel together. Maybe because they have different directions.

Right now, the words seem to haunt me.

the one with have you ever

2007-11-02T13:54:00.000+08:00

The chief obstacle to the progress of the human race is the human race. ~Don Marquis~

Que dolore...(go ahead, find out what it means)

Have you ever...:

1. seen a man carrying a woman's handbag but the woman is next to him and carrying next to nothing..

I have. Disgusting and utterly humiliating. How can a man come to this degrading state of slavery?

Si, you are being nice. You say, this is one way to showcase your love to the woman.

I say bullshit, papi chulo.

Love is much more than just carrying her bag for her when she is obviously too god-damn lazy to carry it herself. And senorita, why did you bring a handbag in the first place, i wonder.

2. Seen men, dressing ever so smartly with the ever so stylish shoes and figure hugging shirts and hairdos to match.

I have. Loathsome, ain't it.

My personal view is that i never liked a man whose dresses better than women or pays just a wee bit extra attention to his appearance. It's bad enough women nowadays are getting so hung up on their appearances that we tend to summarize our opinion of a person merely on their appearances.

And now, men are about to join the club. Seriously?

Besides, it's confusing enough for women like me to just go and buy something without having some beauty jargon confuse me.

To me, a facial wash is the same thing as a facial clenaser. What the hell is the difference? The objective is to wash my face,right. Why make it difficult and complicated?

Like i said, it really does not mesh well with me. I'm struggling as it is trying to understand the complexities that we women subject ourselves to and i don't need a man who spend hours thinking whether which of his renoma sandals or hush puppies loafers would match his black pin-stripe pants for an evening out.

the one with the morning rush

2007-10-31T14:49:00.000+08:00

For fast-acting relief, try slowing down. ~Lily Tomlin~

Seriously. I understand the need to rush to work but to the extent of pushing people and basically rampaging through the morning rush is not the way to go.

One thing that puzzles me, why are you rushing anyway?

Even if you have just started work yesterday, easy logic tells you how long does your trip to work everyday is going to take. Plus a couple of extra minutes for unforeseen circumstances. That should be your yardstick. So, you would be able to travel to work but without the persona of a rampaging bull.

Simple example.

Office hours start at 9am. I plan to be in office at 8.15am. The LRT train ride is gonna cost 20 minutes. Another train ride is about 5-7 minutes. Plus time for walking between both stations and waiting for the train to arrive adds another 10 minutes.

So i allocated time to travel at about 40 minutes. And since i like to walk at a relaxed pace in the morning (i'll tell you why in a minute), it eventually adds up to 45-50 minutes.

So, simple logic tells me to make sure that i'll be at the station by 7.30am. Now, that wasn't so difficult, right?. It's not rocket science.

So, to those people who have this inate habit of rushing and possibly pushing other people to get to work, please do some calculation. Please sacrifice some of that sleep and wake up early. Don't be a lazy ass.

Like i said, you need to know how to prioritize.

I love riding the train in the morning. I get to see dreary-eyed, men and women alike, getting on the train, obviously not enough sleep. And i love the morning air. Which is why i love walking at a relaxed pace. It keeps my mind clear and focused. I love enjoying the sights and sounds.

Life is short. I have to enjoy every moment of it.

So, i like to be in good mood when i reach the office. Is that too much to ask?

Maybe i should carry a huge pin with me. The next time someone rushes past me and to an extent, pushes me, i'll give that person a nice jab.

Let's see you rush now. To the hospital.

So there.

the one with me love work

2007-10-30T17:08:00.000+08:00

Chop your own wood, and it will warm you twice. ~Henry Ford~

Yep, yours truly has gone insane with work. Honestly i love work. I love being a lawyer(or soon to be one)..

I love rushing through deadlines.
I love arguing a matter for the sake of my client.
I love drafting submissions..(mind you, i used to hate that)
I love meeting other lawyers and share their knowledge, experience and views.

Honestly, i don't friggin understand when i see friends who complain incessantly about having no life and no time for yourself just by being in the legal profession. Seriously, stop being a whining baby and grow up.

Don't like the work, go do something else. Just don't blame the profession for your inability to prioritize or simply for the sake of just complaining.

Look, i have a mountain of work and yes, it is never ending. You just have to learn to go with the flow. But i still have time to hang out with my family or friends and yes, i do out, just to chill out.

It's all a balancing act. You either can or you won't.

And i hear one more complaint, personally i will send the Gambino family on you and make you go all Jimmy Hoffa.

the one with the conversation with Mr.J

2007-10-28T22:10:00.000+08:00

That which is striking and beautiful is not always good, but that which is good is always beautiful. ~Ninon de L'Enclos~

Conversation with Mr.J late last night..about two guys courting after me. And one of them already has a girlfriend. The conversation below is concentrating on the guy with a girlfriend.

Me: What did I do? I treated him just like i treated any guy friends i have.No different.Besides, they only just met and knew me. How quick is it to fall in love with me?
Mr. J: Na, it's easy to fall in love with you.
Me: WHAT!!??
Mr.J: When i first met you, i thought you were snobbish and arrogant.
Me: Thanks a lot.
Mr. J: But then, when i got close to you, i fell in love with you immediately.
Me: So, what are you saying?
Mr. J: It doesn't matter how you treat them. It's who you are.
Me: i don't get it.
Mr. J: There's something about you, miss thing..you just have this quality about you. For all it's worth, i still love you.
Me: But you are married!
Mr.J: Na, not only is it easy to fall in love with you, but it's hard to let go of you, let alone forget you. Yes, i'm married and i made my choice, remember. But i'm just saying from experience.

the one with raya pictures

2007-10-28T21:58:00.001+08:00

You don't choose your family. They are God's gift to you, as you are to them. ~Desmond Tutu~

Like i promised, here are the raya pictures..not much, though..enjoy!

the one with me wondering about life

2007-10-23T11:13:00.000+08:00

Life is simple, its just not easy. ~Author Unknown~

True that. I do make it a point never to question things that happen. I don't go, "why me, GOD!!!".That's just not me.

Right now, yours truly is facing a writers' block. Honestly, i don't know if such a thing exists actually. I gather maybe it's another excuse for not writing. But, the term is appropiate at this moment.

I've certainly mellowed down a bit. My people-bashing and tounge lashing attitude has disappeared somehow.

Maybe i'm enamoured by the attention i'm getting right now. It's a wonderful feeling knowing that someone loves you for who you are, what more with two blokes.

Or maybe during the holy month, i lessen the activity making it harder to pick up after the month has gone.

Gosh, what am i babbling?

By the way, today was fixed for a decision of a matter of which i had made the submission. And guess what, we won. Now that's a great feeling.

Or maybe it's because life has indeed been good for me. I have been blessed with great friends and companions. My family is the BOMB!. Work has been fulfilling. My health and well-being has been taken care of by the Almighty Allah. All of these i say syukur to Allah every single day.

Now, Allah opens the opportunity for me to feel love.

What else could i want. I'm thankful for each incident, each memory and each encounter.

Has this sense of being content rendered me paralyzed or even emotionally stunted? Am i incapable of feeling the extremes of emotions anymore?

I wonder.

the one with me smiling

2007-10-22T17:23:00.000+08:00

A smile appeared upon her face as if she'd taken it directly from her handbag and pinned it there. ~Loma Chandler~

Yes..you read it right. My day was not ruined after all.

I decided to forget what happened, look forward and just make the best of it. Surely there is a silver lining.

Besides, only you yourself can make yourself happy, others merely provide you with support. The rest is up to you.

So, i finally smiled. And the sorrow, misery and anguish were gone in a minute.

The power of smile. Magical!

the one with the big news

2007-10-22T11:41:00.000+08:00

The two hardest things to handle in life are failure and success. ~Author Unknown~

I've been given a big blow this morning. Suffice to say, the news ruined my day.

How do we recover from these episodes?

Honestly, usually these kind of news doesn't bother me. I don't freaking care. But, evidently, it affected me today. Maybe because it is still fresh in my mind.

Deal with it, girl.

the one with falling in love with me

2007-10-21T22:36:00.000+08:00

You don't love a woman because she is beautiful, she is beautiful because you love her. ~Author Unknown~

To the world you might be one person, but to one person you might be the world. ~Author Unknown~

I have been blessed thus far. Right when i least expect it, love decides to give me a visit. not saying that i'm in love, just being prepared at the prospect of it.

But, i do have a dilemma. I have two men, confessing their love at the same time. To me. It gets better. Both are best friends.

What should i do?

Both are very dear to me. Both are really close to me. Both said, on separate times, that they have fallen in love with me. Both is unaware that the other is vying for moi.

Ya Allah, please guide me.

Honestly, i don't see any part of me that would make anyone fall in love with. i just don't. What part of me is beautiful i don't know. But each claimed that they have fallen hard for me. One says i'm beautiful, both in person and in character. The other says i'm beautiful just the way i am.

Never have i been in such situation.

But i believe, Allah will guide me. One of the guy said, have faith in God. Have faith that HE will give me the answers. Have faith that love will prevail.

I prayed even harder. The rest is up to Him.

the one with good things

2007-10-19T15:31:00.000+08:00

I know what things are good: friendship and work and conversation. These I shall have. ~Rupert Brooke~

As of right this minute, yours truly is sitting at the most senior partner's secretary's table..wow, that's quite a mouthful. She is away on leave and somebody needs to man the phones.

I don't mind. I actually have peace and quiet (actually, been having that all week since everybody is away for the festive season). I managed to finish three submissions alone at this desk. One for setting aside bankruptcy notice, one for Order 14 application and lastly one for foreclosure proceedings. Suprised? So am i.

So now, i'm bored. Hence the blogging, i've got time to kill.

On the downside, i have no input. i don't have things to be angry about. Damn.

OOOkay..let's talk about the quote.

i do have all things good: Work - have them, completed them. Friendship - my amazingly fun, wacky and hilarious mates from thursday, and lastly, conversation. I have a lot of that, especially today.

i have all things good. Let's just hope they last.

the one with the two lovers

2007-10-17T08:59:00.000+08:00

Falling in love is so hard on the knees. ~Aerosmith

Yes, i know..it's after raya..i do have pictures and stories to tell but that can wait..i have more pressing matters which i need to get off my chest quick..

A few years back, i was fortunate to have met the love of a man. Unfortunately enough, he was already going steady with a woman for almost five years.

Mind you, i did not know that he was with someone. He managed to keep that fact hidden from me. Amazingly enough, friends around us choose to keep quiet, a fact that bothers me till today.

To keep the long story short, after going through a series of get-to-know sessions, finally he drops the bomb on me. Just when i was about to develop feelings for the guy.

Great.

So, i did what was expected of me to do. I left him.

He began to question my actions. Why should i leave him?Would it be okay to remain friends?

Stupidly enough, i agreed. Little did i know, his idea of "friends" was still calling me darling and sweetheart, getting into jelaous outrage at the prospect of me dating someone else and being ultimately possessive.

Our "friendship" faltered and i chose out.

Now, history seems to be repeating itself.

I recently met with guy. True enough, he wooed me into believing that he was single. Again, the same thing happened. After a few outings together, he dropped the news. He has this girl he has been steady with for almost 6 years.

Just my luck.

Now on to what i think..

Honestly, i admit, i have been very lucky in finding a companion. It's easy for me. I don't know why. But like i said, men are more comfortable with me. So, i guess it's easy to fall in love with me too.

But, the odds of this happening twice to me has to be a record(not a miracle..)I don't make it known that i'm available. I just happen to like being friends with the other sex. And, somehow, in their twisted mind, that means it's okay to fall in love with me.

Hello..what was going through in their mind when they confessed their love to me?Were they even thinking about their girlfriends?

And, the most puzzling question i have, how can you love two people at one time?

Personally, i don't fall in love that easy. It takes a while for me. Did i also mention that i also get easily bored?

Men as friends are amazing but to me, men as lovers are boring. Sure, i am a romantic but i don't get too caught up with it. Somehow, men get too mushy and clingy with me. Which i hate. Hence why i get easily bored in relationships.

So, here's what happen with these two men. They confess their love to me. Hoping reciprocity. Also admitting that they still love their current partners while having feelings for me.

Aww, come on. Be original people. How corny is that? You cannot two people at once. And you cannot have both.

I'm seriously tired. I don't really have feelings for them. Just the sort of feelings you would have with a normal friend. Nothing more.

But, they are almost suicidal when they talk about their love for me.

Sometimes, i wonder what did i do wrong? how did i ever attract this unwanted attention? Once i can accept but when it happens twice, you gotta know why.

This is why it's hard for me to fall in love. Which is why i don't have any knee problems.

the one with the mumbo-jumbo

2007-10-10T10:23:00.000+08:00

"Write down the thoughts of the moment. Those that come unsought for are commonly the most valuable". ~Francis Bacon

I've been lazy..i know.

So, here goes my ramblings/musings/experience/thoughts/things i saw/things that happened list of the past week..

1. Not wearing a deodarant while expanding your "wings" in the LRT certainly can make the person around you nauseous.(i swear, it wasn't me!)

2. Chilli's is so overrated. Is burnt and oily fish part of the package???

3. Learning how to draft a proper petition for LA and my very own submission. With no amendments. Schweet!!

4. Great songs to kickstart your mornings..a powerful rendition of Whitney and Chaka's I"m Every Woman and Placido Domingo's The Impossible Dream.

5. Great songs on the way back..Micheal Buble's Home.

6. I have no leave this particular festive season.

7. In relation to 6, it doesn't matter. Raya is overrated. Another reason for people to spend for things they already have.

8. Why is it when you least expect it, someone is making a move on you??( Keywords: Flirting, sweet talk).

9. Court work certainly helps builds character, confidence and patience.

10. Anthony Bourdain makes good company when you are killing time in the Courts.

11. My parents ARE the MOST understanding, wacky and happening people i know.

There..some of the things might not make sense to you. I just feel the need of putting it down just in case i forget.

Honestly, i really have nothing much to say. Previously i had so much to say because i was cynical and angry at the world. But now, life has been good.

Syukur Alhamdulillah.

But who knows, i might change my mind tomorrow. Not fickle minded but you never what's going to happen.

I never liked the feeling of spitting and then the spit falls back on my face(that's a metaphor, you idiot)..that's to say it bluntly.

Anyway, today i will break fast with my dearest friend at my favourite place..seoul bulgogi...Schweetness!!

the one with the good day

2007-10-05T08:53:00.000+08:00

"Laughter is the shortest distance between two people". ~Victor Borge

I had my Professional Standards Exam yerterday. I reserve my comments for later date.

But, yesterday, i also had one of the best times..ever.

Right after the exam, a bunch of us decided that we should go out, maybe even break fast somewhere. There we were heading to KLCC in our black-whities. Instead of browsing through shops, we just sat in front of Isetan and talked.

Man, i had a great time. I truly did.

It's this sort of moment where you would just smile giddily whenever you try to recall about it.

Then, we had to decide where to break fast..first was pizza hut, then burger king..then chillis..then KFC then pizza hut. Yes, i know we are indeed a fickle minded bunch.

So, having pizza and more laughs..in addition with Khairie and Niswan joining us. The moment could not have been sweeter.

The finale was even more wonderful. Just friends, bathing in the moonlight, in the background of the infamous KLCC waterfall..taking wacky pictures..laughing..and more laughing..teasing each other..

I truly felt like i've been so blessed lately. When Allah gave me the ephiphany to abandon my friends, i thought it would be hard to find new friends.

But, Allah the Almighty chose to bless me with even more friends. With even more meaningful chatter and banter.

Today is a good day. I'm just can't stop smiling thinking about it.

Indeed i am very happy. Truly.

the one with still being sick

2007-10-02T12:32:00.000+08:00

"If you wish to keep as well as possible, the less you think about your health the better". ~Oliver Wendell Holmes

Right..my nose has suddenly lost all sensation to stop overflow of mucus.And my throat seemed to think that coughing uncontrollably is cool..

I have the option of staying home..getting bed-rest, but i chose not to.Two reasons:

1. I have a case this morning. The file is assigned to me, can't just leave it to someone else.

2. I have a submission which i need to submit this friday. The hearing is this monday.You do the math.

Two reasons seems adequate, don't you think. Seems like a good enough reason to pull myself outta bed this morning.

Besides, i can still walk and think. Those are the two bodily functions which i really need right now.

You might be wondering why.

Doesn't matter. The less i think about my mucus, my phlegm and my sore throat, the better i feel.

the one with being sick

2007-10-01T12:39:00.000+08:00

"When an illness knocks you on your ass, you should stay down and relax for a while before trying to get back up". ~Candea Core-Starke

::sigh::

Yours truly has been down with a cold and possibly a fever. But that sure does not stop me from going to court for my case and eventually going to work.

So..basically, i don't have time to "stay down and relax for a while".

Besides, i take this as a blessing in disguise. Being sick means dear Allah remembers me. What more in this holy month.

To get my mind of my rising fatigue and runny nose, i have this submission i need to concentrate on. Though my brain prefers to work in super-slow-motion-speed.

Obviously, my health has an effect on my brain. I am beginning to
mumble and babble.

*pshottt* (me cleaning out phlegm..)

Opps..how disgusting of me.

the one with the pictures at BTS

2007-09-28T22:47:00.000+08:00

"She glances at the photo, and the pilot light of memory flickers in her eyes". ~Frank Deford~

As i have promised, here are pictures from last night..yours truly is the official photographer , i guess..

I present you the men in the group..

the roses among the torns..

Aren't we a jovial bunch?

Scrumptious food..waiting to be devoured..

more food..makes you salivate, ain't it?

Amin presenting our desserts..and drinks..

Our much beloved heroine, kak siti with fiz and yan..

Vick, Fadhli and Muhadah..glow in sephia light..

Helmy, Hafiz and Amin..wondering when can they start eating??..hehe

Amidst the glorious food, lay these two aspiring casanovas..yeah right..

The whole group..smile for the birdie..

Our group leader enjoying his feast..together with his assistant..

Food is going..going..gone!!

Picture perfect after a good meal..

At the bowling alley..

and lastly,

Vick..on his way to get a strike..

the one with the buka puasa and bowling

2007-09-28T09:12:00.000+08:00

"In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit". ~Albert Schweitzer

Yesterday was a blast!!!!

I had so much fun. My mates from the Legal Aid programme decided a week ago that we were to break fast (buka puasa) together yesterday.

So there we were. 13 of us sitting in Hartz Chicken Buffet in Berjaya Times Square. The atmosphere was magical, i tell you. Everybody in their highest spirits and most jovial moods.

So you can imagine how noisy we were.

Having performed our solat, we went on to play bowling as we had earlier agreed. And boy, was that great or what!!

Wah..these guys were amazing..dishing out wisecracks and one-liners..i couldn't even bowl properly because all of us were laughing so hard. And the noise we made, enough to swallow the music.

All i can say, one of the best days of my life and definitely one of the best memories i have and one i will always remember.

To the guys, thanks a bunch for a really good time. It would be hard to forget that night.

The only thing i can say, i can't wait for our getaway trip. Come December soon!!!

P/S:Pictures will be uploaded tonight.

the one with the stranger

2007-09-26T22:05:00.000+08:00

"Strangers are just friends waiting to happen". ~Rod McKuen

There i was. Sitting in of the many benches, reading my anthony bourdain omnibus. Looking all around me, people wearing black and white, blazers atop, pants and skirts alike.

I knew where i am headed to. Che wan Zaidi's room. The Senior Assistant Registrar for Bankruptcy Division, Shah Alam Court. One of them ,at least.

A line was forming outside his room. A long one at that. So i was thinking, rather than standing in line as well, wasting my energy and looking awkward as hell..i think i might just sit here, enjoy my book and wait for the line to recede.

I have nothing pending in the office. And besides, i have to leave the office again by two. So, i just have to wait this out.

Then comes a lawyer. Carrying his files and bag, looking all important. Approaches me and says, " What are you reading?

To my surprise, he actually spoke to me. Wow..so i said anthony bourdain.

Then, we jumped from one question to another and suddenly we are talking as if we are good friends. Snickering at lawyers who are patiently lining up for a line that barely moves. Exchanging commentaries about the practice..the good, the bad and the ugly..

Suddenly, we realised that only the both of us and another four were waiting to go in.

He politely asked me how do i go back to the office and i answered by train. The gentleman that he is, he offers me a ride.

I accepted and little did i know what i got into.

Though he was charming and matured compared to the rest of his peers, but i was puzzled at the pace he was driving. It was more of 50-60mph at best. He was sure taking it slow, alright.

Having drop me off at my office and giving me his umbrella to use for it was raining, i said goodbye.

Then, while walking to the KLBAR, i thought to myself,

"I knew this guy for 6 years and barely spoke two sentences to him all throughout my studies. Except for that time when we had our mock trial together. I didn't even know him at all though we do bump into each other occasionally.

What happened?? And here he was, being all nice. Working up a conversation with me. Giving me a ride back. Pouring out his feelings, his likes and dislikes, his inhibitions, his aspirations and his innermost thoughts to me. A total stranger to him. All while waiting for our turn and during the drive back.

I was surprised, amazed, puzzled and bewildered".

So, to this guy, K..i salute you for being open with me. I applaud your move to strike a conversation with me. I thank you for the ride back. I celebrate our new friendship.

On another note, thank you for pointing out to me that there is still hope in men. You men are not just another macho and egoistical being to walk this earth. There's more to you men than just testosterones.

All night i had to re-evaluate my pre-conceived notions of men, especially those i would want to consider marrying. Maybe one day, perhaps.

He made me think..

Men are just as vulnerable as women, though they don't show it.
Men long for independence from women just as women are seeking stability and honesty from men.

Thank you dear guy. For opening my eyes wider now. For telling me hope is not all lost for men. For showing me that once you fall in love and then fall out of it, don't be afraid to fall in love again.

Thank you.

the one with why i never comment

2007-09-21T11:49:00.000+08:00

"Too often we enjoy the comfort of opinion without the discomfort of thought" - John F. Kennedy-

A friend asked me why is it that i never write an entry about current issues..or why is it i never comment about any "hot news" that everybody else is talking about???

Well, the main reason is i don't want to look stupid nor too intellectual.

Sure, i might have an opinion. But, i just feel inadequate to comment on anything. I'm not learned enough. I don't really have that much of experience. So why should I say things i'm not familiar with?

Things which i see everyday, things i observe, things i go through daily is among things of which i am prepared to say something about. But i will not parade my comments as if i were someone of the highest esteem on things which i am not familiar with. Why pretend to have an opinion about a certain incident when i know nothing of it other than what i've have read in the papers.

That's just plain stupid.

the one with me and the men

2007-09-21T08:33:00.000+08:00

"Plain women know more about men than beautiful ones do". - Katharine Hepburn-

All right..i'll just admit it..i do get along better with men rather than women..with the exception of any family and relatives of course..

That's right..you read it right there..i just do..

I realized this yesterday..hanging out with my mates from legal aid after our duties..it soon clicked with me why i get along better with men..

Personally i think men are much better conversationist(oops, did i just create a word there??)..menaing that they are better at conversations..and there are just no pretentions..

They converse freely with me..no masking it with complicated words..what they say, they say it straight to the point. Me being a relatively plain jane helps too.

I guess they felt more comfortable conversing with me. Just talking it out. With me, they don't pretend to be all macho gusto. Just plain and ordinary men. Sure, we maintain certain rules of decency and decorum but it does not stop us from bonding.

With women (or maybe just girls who never grew up)..you have to go through layers of conversations. Women think to much. They analyse every bit of word that comes out of your mouth and scrutinize your every sentence and emotions.

Emotions. One thing that separates men from the women. Men don't get too hung up on the fact or significance of a word. but women tend to take it to the next level. I actually have to be careful and cautious as to what i am about to say to a woman for fear of being misunderstood. But men, they take it differently.

Which is why i prefer the company of men and mingle better with them. That is not to say that i'm a slut. Like i said, decency and decorum.

I hate pretending to my own kind when conversing with them. It's like tip-toeing around eggshells. And it's funny, you know. You are trying so hard to cater to their every needs, you watch what you say to them and your feelings kinda take a back seat just so these women won't get offended about anything. God forbid anything should happen to their feelings. But it leaves you wondering are they doing the same for you.

I grew tired of doing just that. But that doesn't mean i hate women altogether. There are those selected that few gems who you feel like embracing simply because they mirror your sentiments.

So, forgive me if i'm much nicer to men than i am with people of my own kind. Forgive me for being a plain jane that i am able to venture into meaningful conversations with men and they divulging their deepest darkest secrets to me.

Forgive me for being tired of the niceties and plesantries with women. I just hate pretending anymore. And i hate caring so much for other people when they don't do the same for me.

Why should i be so selfless when others are being so selfish???

I hate being the matyr. Hate me for thinking that. Hate me for realizing this.

Like i said, i am more conversant with men. And funny enough, they are as comfortable as i am with them.

And that's that.

the one with the puasa or the raya

2007-09-17T14:23:00.000+08:00

"i was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering" Steven Wright

oh right..first day at work is always the toughest for me..not that i'm lazy but too tired, really..with all the break i had on the weekend, it never seems enough..

Like last week, i did some spring cleaning..cleared out junks..like birthday presents i don't wish to keep anymore, mostly from old friends..they just gather dust and a waste of good space..

then. i cleared my book rack..aarranged them nicely..giving them the respect that they deserved..

last weekend, i cleared my wardrobe..i used to just chuck things in..now, everything just fits in nicely..with the new organiser going up..i finally have space for my other clothes..

right, this is just mere babble..

frankly, i have nothing to say..this is the holy month, my tounge lashing and people bashing should be kept to a minimum..

so what does a person in my position talks about???..i wonder..

really have no creative input..maybe because i've experienced a drought of the mind or maybe because i'm just too lazy..

oops, wait a minute..something's coming to me..that's it..

i don't understand how out of focus people have gottten these days..

it was just the other day, being the first day of ramadhan and i overheard some chick talking about what she would be wearing for Raya..

OMG!!!...hello..this is the first day of fasting, for god's sake and you are already discussing your attire for some 30-days-to-come??

Sure, the excitement of it all is getting through her empty head but...has she even considered whether she is alive by then..or maybe some inexplicable event about to intervene?

Hello, Raya is about celebrating your triumphant battle against all evil, temptations and all sorts..have you ever thought that Raya is not just about parading in your new outfit..is not about getting money..

Wargh!!!..it frustrates me, you know..i thought my usual candor and commentaries can be rested this month..in view of respect to the holy month..but, i guess it's not going to happen..

There will always be an idiot around.

I don't go looking, they are just there. Enough said.

the one with life as a play

2007-09-14T08:48:00.000+08:00

"I think of life itself now as a wonderful play that I've written for myself, and so my purpose is to have the utmost fun playing my part".
(Shirley Maclaine)

Right on...yesterday was fun..i had my legal aid duty yesterday..so after we finished our duty and being the month of ramadhan, we couldn't get our lunch as usual..

So, we ended up staying in the office, hanging out and began talking..

Yours truly was the de jure leader of the day since the de facto leader had some family matters to attend..and i had to finish up on reports..

So there we were, me doing my report and these guys chatting away..but i could not even concentrate..these guys were funny, witty as hell..

i couldn't stop laughing..there was always something to be said..

So, this entry is dedicated to that memory..gosh, i had fun yesterday.

Thanks guys for making my day yesterday..

And to my family yesterday...what a great opening to the ramadhan..we had this toned-down berbuka puasa..which means that we bought nothing from the bazaar but still the company of family was satisfying..

To me, life has been one wonderful and continuous play.

the one with unexpected, indispensable and intolerable

2007-09-12T13:01:00.000+08:00

"Life is easier than you'd think; all that is necessary is to accept the impossible, do without the indispensable, and bear the intolerable"..(Kathryn Norris)

1. True that..i usually get up in the morning and busy myself with preparations to go to work..nothing out of the routine..'cept today i had to go to the industrial court..but i still took the LRT to work..so basically, i wasn't expecting any suprises...

But lo and behold...opens the door of the LRT in Universiti and walks in a man..he catches my eye immediately..

not because of his looks..

not because of his dressing..

not because he looks/smiles/acknowledges me..

but simply because i saw him carrying a book..his middle finger holding the page while entering the LRT..

What a sight..what more when i saw him carrying the latest novel by john grisham, the innocent man..

WHOOP DE DO!..you don't get a sight like that any day..

How many of you can attest to the fact that you saw a guy reading a novel anywhere?...yeah sure, some guy do read but in public..while waiting for something?

they would rather be looking at chicks and waste the available time away..

I was so excited about that fact that i smiled the whole ride through..

and to think my fantasy almost came through..too bad i didn't bring my copy of the book with me..

So,..that's the impossible..

2. Ever notice how a sense of awkwardness fills the elevator?..you get this sudden feeling of silence and wonder what shall you make of it?

It didn't happen today..my officemates were already cracking up the elevator, obviously hungry enough to talk all the way down..so the silence was absent..but then, i find myself being quiet..and the guy i keep telling you about looks at me, expecting me to talk..like you know, join the hoo-ha..but i just smiled and he gives me this quizzical face..

which then struck me, how wrong people can be and how little they know of me..

What most people don't know..i'm not much a conversationist(if there is such a word)..in intense and loud conversations, i tend to be quiet..i rather observe rather than talk..

Besides, knowing people are so judgemental, every word that comes out of me might be construed differently or dissected to gain an insight into my character..

so, i keep quiet..tend to do that a lot nowadays..simply becuase i'm a firm believer of the saying, "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say nothing at all"..

with my family, i'm different..just with people of the masses, i am cautious..you see, people think they know simply by the words that are coming out of me..when what comes out of me is only a fraction of the person that i am..

This way, i get to observe other people..their gestures, their face, their reaction and their body language..which reveals much more than just a speech that's filled with hot air..

So, now talking for me is indispensible..

3. Lastly, i cannot stand it when people pretend to be so affected by a cause which they know nothing of and about..

A great example is told by Russell Peters...

His father is watching the gay pride parade in canada..
Suddenly, three gay indian guys walks up to the camera and proclaims proudly: "Hi, we are indian and we are gay!We repesent the gay south asian community
His father suddenly says that is disgusting. This is wrong.We should not have gay indians. Indian men should not be gay.

And Russell Peters ends this skecth by saying:
"I love it when people concern themselves with stuffs that never going to affect their lives"

I found that statement is true..

Injustice happens or about to happen, here or somewhere else around the world..then, people here get so worked up as if it happens to them..

I mean, it's good to be concerned but to the extent of joining rallies, getting people to boycott items or something..

When you see injustice happens in malaysia, do you see anybody else around the world, holding rallies for us..boycotting items for us, staging riots for us..

No, you don't...so i just don't get why people get so worked up..

another which i don't get is when people use big words for concepts they know nothing about..and just by uttering them, they would look like a concerned individual..

examples: racial issues..economic disparity..US monopoly..

Please spare me the lecture..you don't know shit about the history background of those issues and yet, you want to look all intellectual and adult..spurting a few lines doesn't make you a genius..you don't contribute nothing just by saying something about it..

Seriously..it gets on my nerves when people do this..

Instead of looking at the bigger picture, can these ninnys at least try and better themselves first before embarking on bigger concepts they can't comprehend..

why not try some common sense..civic minded-ness..refer to my article yesterday..or maybe try to not spit on the roadside..maybe some civility when we are driving..

So, i guess that's intolerable..

the one with the song

2007-09-12T10:40:00.000+08:00

"To dream the impossible dream
To fight the unbeatable foe
To bear with unbearable sorrow
To run where the brave dare not go

To right the unrightable wrong
To love pure and chaste from afar
To try when your arms are too weary
To reach the unreachable star

This is my quest, to follow that star
No matter how hopeless,
No matter how far
To fight for the right
Without question or pause
To be willing to march into hell
For a heavenly cause

And I know if I'll only be true
To this glorious quest
That my heart will lie peaceful and calm
When I'm laid to my rest

And the world would be better for this
That one man scorned and covered with scars
Still strove with his last ounce of courage
To reach the unreachable star"

(Man of La Mancha)

Wah!!!i heard a version of this song sung by Placido Domingo.

So inspiring..so full of gusto.

What a great start to my day..

the one with menyampah

2007-09-11T15:38:00.000+08:00

"Never miss a good chance to shut up" (Will Rogers)

Warghh!!!

Menyampah nya...

1. Kenapa perempuan dah masuk surau/musolla/masjid tak reti nak senyap? Mulut tu boleh tak berenti untuk lima minit????

2. Kenapa bila perempuan dah masuk surau/musolla/masjid, tak reti-reti nak solat? Ini nak berborak la, duduk membuang masa la..hello, menyemakkan ruang, tau tak??orang lain nak solat!!

3. Kenapa, antara semua orang yang selalu nak naik LRT/Bas?public transport, orang perempuan yang paling tak reti nak ketepi bagi orang nak turun???

4. Kenapa orang perempuan la yang paling suka menolak dan berebut kalau nak naik public transport?

5. Kenapa perempuan suka tanya soalan yang takde makna?...

e.g "besok ade interview la, nak pakai baju ape ek?"
"kalau pegi interview pakai mekap, agak-agak boleh tak dapat keja tu?"

Alo makcik..orang yang interview tu tak ingin nak tengok awak pakai seluar ke baju kurung, warna biru ke, oren ke, baju tue lengan panjang ke pendek, mekap tebal ke takde langsung..dia tengok qualifications!!Bukan satu keputusan yang menentukan hidup dan mati!!!!

6. Kenapa perempuan paling suka jalan pelan-pelan sambil tengok handphone lepas tu buat orang belakang yang nak jalan tergendala?

7. Kenapa perempuan yang paling suka menggesel dengan orang lain dalam public transport???

Kak/cik..saya tak ingin nak sentuh awak punya breasts/buttocks/dada/pinggang?

Boleh tak jarak sikit?Kalau ye pun nak menggesel, pegi la sebelah laki..dah gian sangat ke???

Note: Writer is ultimately frustated and flabbergasted...am really ashamed that writer actually belongs to same species..also don't understand the constant need to yap and yap..not even respecting the holiness of the place..just plain dumb idiots and bimbos!!!!

Exception: This is a mere generalization..but having rode the public transport everyday for all my life, i guess this warrants it..those who are not within these groups, feel lucky to be the exceptions..to others, sape makan cili, rasa la pedasnya!!!

the one with my mum's birthday

2007-09-11T10:31:00.000+08:00

"A mother is a woman who shows you the light when you just see the dark" (Grimaldos Robin)

Yesterday was a blast..It was my dear mum's birthday..

It was nothing fancy though but it was definitely filled with love..

Let me first elighten you about my mum.

There was a time in my childhood that i wish my mother had been just like everyone else's..i wish she was more hip, glam and simply fashionable,maybe because when i saw my friends' mothers come to school and dress up all nice..i was green with envy..

I WAS DEAD WRONG!!

it took a while to see..my mum was definitely the most hip, most glam and most fashionable mother a person could ever want..how dumb was i?..i was so clouded by what my friends think..i didn't see what a gem of a mother ALLAH has given me..

My mum gives the best first impression..she would charm you with her persona..and her vitality is just infectious..

My mum may not advertise her gentleness but being with her, i saw how gentle and loving my mum is..perhaps more than she should..she always thought about her children and now her grandchildren..her needs always took a backseat when it comes to her family and children..

Being born into a poor family, my mum accepted life in a stride..she accepted the cards that had been drawn for her..life was indeed difficult..

Along came my Dad and they embarked on a life together and along came her four diamonds..true, my siblings and i did not have all the luxury of getting everything we wanted but my Mum and Dad worked hard to provide for us..

Now that all her children are all grown up..she can now relax though she never stop her worrying and loving care..what more with the addition of grandchildren.

Let me tell you this..my Mum is the most resilient being i've ever met..very handy with her hands and quick as lightning learning crafts or recipes..

How many women you know can carry two laden plastics of grocery and walk the lengths of two football fields, 30 minutes to maghrib and then immediately have dinner, hot and delicious prepared..without even taking a single moment to sit down since the minute she stepped in the house..

I havethis gigantic, enormous admiration for my Mum..true, i'm her biggest fan..

Now, my Mum is my one and only best friend..she has this inate sense of style and fashion and i'm ashamed to admit i often seek her approval..remember i told you she was hip?..right..she is definitely "hip"-pier than me anytime..

My mum also has this outgoing personality..she loves watching movies..especially hindi movies or cartoons..she loves going out and eating out..she loves art shows, be it dances, plays, theatres, musicals or concerts..i do take her when we have the chance..you know, just plain girls day out..

If my sister is coming down to kl or we were going down to jb or my Dad would be out of state then we would be planning our day out right up till the last second..going places..enjoying ourselves, laughing hard even at the tiniest details..

My Dad would shake his head at our antics..he rarely understand our jokes simply because one word would trigger a laugh from us and he doesn't get it..

When i choose to end it my boyfriend, she supported me all they way..giving me advice yet not being patronizing..when i lost my friends, she was there, just accepting me as who i am..she doesn't expect you to be someone you're not..when i gained new friends, she was ecstatic..

In fact, she sometimes are closer to my friends than myself..my friends connected with her immediately..

She has this amazing ability to just threw something or a combination of anything in the frying pan and voila..a delicious meal pops up..and she always so modest about it..

She tirelessly cares for the family and the household, including the cat..yet she always has time to do things she's passionate about..

There are so many things i want to say about my mum..she is the MOST extraordinary thing i've known..

Dear Mum,

Thank you for everything..i realized that thank you will never be enough..i could never list down the things for me simply because you've done so much..i have yet to meet someone as selfless as you..thank you for believing in me, in a time when i didn't believe in myself..thank you for being my mother..

Thank you for all the advice, tips, knowledge that you shared with me..indeed invaluable..thank you for knowing when to be a friend, a mentor, a child and a mother at the precise moment when i needed it..

Your love is unconditional..it knows no bounds..

I made a pledge years ago that taking care of you and Dad would be my ultimate responsibility..i shall strive to provide you with a comfortable and blissful life as you have done for me..i may not be able to repay you for your time, efforts, anguish, stress and money but i will surely try my best..besides, you are the reason i am here now..

To Allah,

Syukur for blessing my life with these two beings.

Syukur for granting their prayers

and i pray to You, Allah, O Mighty One,

Bless both their lives even more,
Take care of their happiness and health,
promise them a place in your syurga, and
forgive all their sins.

Mum, Happy birthday...

P/s: her celebration was attended by beloved family at victory.

For once, she gets to blow a candle on her cake, albeit a small one.
(i seriously thought i saw her eyes water at that opportune moment!)

the one with a cat called montel

2007-09-08T00:41:00.000+08:00

"Death is not the absence of life, it is the absence of love" (Anonymous)

Right..i thought by friday, would have said my peace to dear montel..but i was seriously wrong..

browing through my files looking for her pictures, of which i found a few...i found myself crying again..this time harder..more forceful..didn't even leave space to think..i just cried.

and cried, i did.

i realized..distance did not help.

Being this far away and looking at her pictures..

i miss her.i really do.

That cute face..inquisitive, full of questions..at the same time, asking for love, care, tenderness, gentle touch..

i know it's very cliche, but what the heck..you never know when you're time is up..

Montel my dear,

Mak Cu really misses you. I miss the way you would snuggle up to me when we would lay sprawling in front of the TV..i remember once you laid so close to me..i miss that.

I miss your meow..that slow yet enticing and seductive meow of yours.

I miss how you know your name so well and answer our call with your meow.

I miss looking at your beautiful fur..watching you lick yourself with such grace.

i miss petting you..and loving the way you resepond to touch.

i miss chasing you around.

i miss having talks with you..knowing you will listen intently.

Montel my dear,

we will never forget you..it wouldn't be easy anyway...you're such a gem..

I thought i would not get this emotional but last friday, i finally cried and cried to sleep..
Montel is part of the family and i didn't take losses in the family very well..
I can only imagine how my sister felt when she was burying her, one of her daughters..

I realized, there and then, that i appreciate the notion of closure..by burying her, my protective bubble bursts..i guess that was why i cried so hard last night..i accepted that she was gone..but did i really?

You may be wondering why i get so emotional and a tad melodramatic..like i said she is family..what she did was more than what some of my friends are capable of. She listened, gave you this assurance with her eyes and allowed you to love unconditionally and without pretentions..that's what she is..

So, forgive me if i get too carried away.Besides, you people will never understand anyway.

Death is the absence of love..montel would not feel the love of her family again..

But we would love her always.

the one with a tribute to montel

2007-09-07T23:34:00.001+08:00

the one with my ramblings

2007-09-07T15:09:00.000+08:00

i gotta get my mind off the tragedy last night..so here goes my non-sensical ramblings and observations i just felt like putting down..

1. discovered the music of musical greats like otis redding, sam cooke, aretha franklin, chaka khan, the temptations, tony bennett..why can't music just be as simple and why can't singers just rely on their vocals instead of just shaking their booty and wear skimpy and barely-there clothes..

2. in reference to number 1, i had time on my hands, having finished my all my work..so, surfed the net..bumped into youtube..watch music videos from the musicians mentioned above..

3. i hate women who wear high heels but walked damn slow..especially going down the stairs..look lady. if you cannot balance yourself. don't wear them..it pissess me off when you block the way..seriously..besides, the long term effect will hurt your feet and posture..so,get the picture?

4. i came across this article where the author, i think, was trying to show off her vocabulary..but, the funny thing, i don't think he/she understand any of the big words its using..personally, i think he/she just pressed the thesaurus icon and repleced all his/her normal words with big and boombastic words..it's definitely a workout trying to read the article..what's even more funny..the author was malay..hahaha..even english-speaking natives don't use that much words in a sentence..so, to this author..my advice..be original..

5. there's a times bookfair clearance starting tomorrow..really can't wait..hopefully, i can get some real gems this time..

6. no wonder women are such scorned beings..they can really such pain in the ass..and also famous for being two-faced...nice in front of you and the next thing you know, they are bitching about you behind your back..way to go, ladies...pahala aku dapat!

i guess that about does it..

tonight, maybe more surfing..need to get my hands on that chaka khan single, ain't nobody and otis redding's rendition of a change gonna come..

till then, adios people..

the one with montel

2007-09-07T10:07:00.000+08:00

"Setiap hari kumohon
Agar Kau sentiasa
Memberiku ketenangan dalam hati... kekuatan
Menempuh segala dugaan yang mencabar ini
Pasti punya ertinya
Engkau beriku harapan
Menjawab segala persoalan
Hadapi semua dengan tenang

Dengan merasa kesyukuran
Ku doa Kau selalu
Mengawasai gerak-geriku
Berkatilah ku penuh rahmat dari Mu

Oh Tuhan terangkan hati dalam sanubariku
Oh Tuhan ku berserah segalanya kepadamu
Agar jiwaku tenang dengan bimbingan Mu selalu

Ada kalanya ku merasa hidup ini seperti kaca
Jikalau tidak bersabar
Hancur berderailah akhirnya
Tabahkanlah hatiku
Melalui semua itu... Ooh...
Kuatkanlah
Cekalkanlah diriku"

(Sheila Majid - KuMohon)

It's funny how a mainstream song can have such a poetic prayer..moreover to Allah..

I actually wanted to dedicate this song or prayer..to my sister and her family..well, actually to my family too..

My sister's beloved cat, montel died last night..she was nine years old..we found out that she has complications in her stomach..

That brave feline..she didn't even show that she was in pain all these years..

The minute i got the news, i cried my heart out..i couldn't stop crying..she was already so part of family..i began addressing myself as "mak cu" to her..

i remember her as being this inquisitive cat..whenever me or my sister were doing work, she would immediately get on the papers and practically lies down..preventing us from doing any work and giving this look for us to play with her instead..

God, i miss her...th minute i arrive from kl to my sister's house in jb..after hugging my nephew and nieces, the next thing i would surely look for is montel..

Montel is very good at answering at her name..and she always has this poses..so seductive yet so beautiful..i love seeing her lick herself or even when she's chilling out..

Montel..i know right now you are in heaven, beside the Al-Mighty..i hope that when you took your last breath, it was not painful..just want to let you know how difficult for me to write this entry without crying my eyes out, how difficult for me to let you go and how painful for Mama's family and mak cu's family to accept that you are finally gone from our lives..

Montel..there can be no replacing you..you're definitely a gem worth having..i miss you so much dear..thank you for the memories and for all the good times you have given us..

Montel, may you rest in peace, my love.."

In loving memory of Montel (1998- 2007)

the one with merdeka

2007-09-03T16:05:00.000+08:00

"A wish so true
From me to you
On the very day
Known as Independence Day

I stand here to salute my flag
And remember the martyrs
With a heart filled with love
Affection so true
Which only Malaysians(Malayans)knew

Having faced the strife
To achieve the right
And freedom to breathe
On the holy land of Malaysians(Malayans) seat

Looking back at the days gone by
And all that Malaysians(Malayans) lost in the pursuit
Forgiving those who harmed us
Forgetting all the insults

We invite all to celebrate
Our Independence Day

“Happy Independence Day”

(Dolly Jbin - note..i modified this to fit malaysians context..)

So..independence day..

tell me..if you guys are so goddamn smart..you know how words in english have their translation in the malay language..and vice versa..

so tell me..what does "MERDEKA" translates into english sounds like..remember just one word..

Independence, you say...nope..

Try shouting independence three times and describe to me how stupid you look..

What i'm getting at..there's no such word that translates exactly the meaning of merdeka in the english language..it's, by far, the only unique thing i can confidently point out..

Even with the word "independence", it just doesn't capture the true essence of "merdeka"..

Give it a thought..

another point..being a post-merdeka child..i confidently admit that i cannot imagine the struggle back then..the qualities and virtues of people back then..i cannot say that i know how they feel..how the nation felt..

so i don't pretend knowing it..i don't pretend being patriotic when i don't know how it feels..

Sure, i love my country..but not its inhabitants..not at all..

have you seen malaysian courtesy..have you seen malaysian hypocrisy..

i see it everyday..up at the halls of justices where all are equal in the eyes of law but officers play favourites and coffee money..up at the administration buildings where staffs take constant coffee breaks and super-slow-speed to do any amount of work..up at the public arena where we only have courtesy when it is convenient..up at the media only when publicity is guaranteed..up at the whole nation who considers itself free but money is a sure-fire way to get things done..

So, tell me..when did we ever "merdeka"?

We have been struggling since day one..and no one wants to admit it..

Funny..and i thought it's our 50th Merdeka??

Go figure.

the one with my week

2007-09-03T12:11:00.000+08:00

Wednesday - 29.08.2007

Came to office to finish research on land acquisition matter then off to IIU with Linda to return our robes..then to colect our graduation pictures and lastly to collect our scrolls..

having settled our affairs, we decided to go an excursions to convest hill..supposedly where all the excitement is..

Look, let me give a suggestion, aight?...if you plan on doing something half-heartedly..don't do it at all..i guess going to a boring guest lecture is much more exciting than stepping into the convest hill..what a waste of human capital and money..

Thursday - 30.12.2007

Right..my legal aid programme..experience worth getting..though i din't understand why court interpreters get so big-headed..macam dia magistrate..not to demean anyone or sound too condescending..but i''m the one wearing the suit...so if you think that you're better than anyone else..even the senior lawyers..by all means, take the degree and the suit from us..you do it since you laugh at every people's mistake...perasan bagus, diri sendiri tak sedar..

Not frazzled by the day's events...i was taken by surprise when my fellow mate offered to send me to the nearest LRT station..he already spent most of the day, calling me every minute just to ask me do this and that..while he already has an assistant..which is why i'm suspicious..

He gets on my suspicious radar even more when on the way of picking up the car..he makes me wait at the entrance instead of walking with him to the car..what???

And..his idea of the nearest LRT station to the court complex is one 30 minutes away..gosh!!

Honestly, i don't know what i'm getting at...i just simply felt the need of letting it out..didn't want to tell anyone and embarass the guy..besides..i know for sure he won't read this..

Did i tell you after the programme ended..i had this spur of the moment of going to a book clearance sale..for the first time i did not go crazy..but i did buy a steve martin book, one by farish a noor and this book about the mothman prophecies..

Nearing midnite..i'm not one who celebrates..so spent the whole night and the other quarter of morning watching las vegas..

Friday - 31.8.2007

yes..i know what day it is..

but i still choose to wake up late..my only chance to do so..

Besides, a nation's struggle for something so incredibly poignant and meaningful just cannot be done away by organising a nationwide parade..not to me, at least..

my beloved cousin later informs me she has tickets for this one concert..no reason i don't want it other than it's free..

Called the ziryab glam concert..though nothing glam about it..

they have three middle-east singers to provide the entertainment besides having noryn aziz being the only malaysian counterpart..

My comments: the master of ceremony could just take a chill pill..and stop going at warp speed reading the text..and english was not his mother tounge..so, basically, what comes out becomes a mish-mash of Jawa, Russian and Swahili for all i care..don't understand it one bit..

Which brings me to the issue..why do these mc's feel the need to overpronounce everything..and trying to hard to sound as american as possible..instead of just saying malaysia, he went overboard and said malay"syer"..and his constant need to asking for applause..

The evening started with noryn belting out five songs..which is not bad..and her vocals is something a malasyian can be proud of..

Then. this singer named tony cattan..which i personally think just relies on his looks than vocals..

My lashing comments i will save for this next singer..haifa wehbe..when she came on, the guys ultimately went crazy..

Okay..sure, this singer was pretty but she was definitely banking on her looks and her tight-as-hell white dress in which displays her porcelain-white skin and full, rounded buttocks..

Look, i have nothing against her..really, i don't..but come one..you sing a total of five syllables and let the rest be sung by backup..then, all throughout the song, you keep shaking and twirling and twisting your butts to the most provocative movements you can think of..

Jeez..you might as well just get her a pole and let her dance her way through it rather than pretend to be a singer..she also spends her hour show by adjusting her dress..you see, she was wearing this white lace dress with a train but get this...the front of the dress was make to look like a maxi..more like a bra..just barely covering her chest..and she definitely has "assets"..i was betting that it would be any minute that her boobs were going to fall out of the dress..

Listen..lady..if i wanted an erotic show, i would get myself some porno or better..go to a strip club or massage parlor..or to lorong haji taib..i don't need a show that charges exorbitant prices to see do that..i could even get it for free..

I was going to brand the night a total waste of time until i remembered that i got to spend the day with my mum..which was fun..

Saturday - 1.9.2007

Went to a wedding then to office to pick up some work i needed to get done..

Conclusion: i had fun..relaxed..laugh at other people's stupidity..shake my head at other people's ignorance and lack of common sense..

P/s: if i ever see that singer again..i might just recommend her to hugh hefner..maybe she desperate to be in playboy magazine..

the one with my phone

2007-09-03T01:10:00.000+08:00

oh wow...sorry no quote..

Get this...I am typing this entry from my phone!Isn't it awesome?This is just way too cool...Now i don't even need a pc anymore...i can just do it from the phone...3G wise...and i thought i was tech-savvy...

Ouh,by the way...sorry for the long break..guess i got caght up with stuffs..don't worry...will keep you posted..

Again,this phone and 3G are fantastically awesome...

P/s: my hands is about to go numb..too much finger typing..ouch..think i sprained my finger..

the one with pictures

2007-08-27T22:08:00.000+08:00

as you can see...my nephew and nieces..having a blast at one utama..a day before my graduation..adorable and mischevious bunch, aren't we?

By the way, did i mention, i took these pictures with my new phone...hahaha!

actually, it takes really good pictures..but dear hand is shaking and so the blurriness...

Convocation pictures...

Dad, me and dear mumsie...whaddaya think?...like i said, the two gems of my heart standing by my side..in life and in picture..perfect!

My sister and her family whom so patiently waited outside, in the hot sun..while i was getting the scroll.(not actually a scroll, but what the heck)...my nephew suddenly grows shy of the camera, or should i

say, the birdie..

My celebratory dinner...the good old fashioned singapore murtabak at victory..don't need expensive restaurants..the company of my two gems is enough..we laughed and talked..i beginning to see how magnanimous these people beings are..how they seem so big in my eyes..and how i wish there were more people like them..indeed, they led colourful lives..we shared stories..of their courtship..their lives when they were young..our very much extended family..

All over this simple meal of murtabak..which by the way..i absolutely delicious with cucumber and that red sauce (i have no idea what is it called)...

All in all, a good day..i should say..

P/s: i have this unstoppable urge to snap everything i see.. now that my phone is oh-so-faboulous-thingy-to-take-pictures-with gadget...can't stop me now!

the one with graduation

2007-08-27T12:17:00.000+08:00

"Graduation Day is the climax of a dream.
A parental dream that began when a child is born,
And their hope come true it would seem,
A triumph held after periods of forlorn,
A feeling of pride and euphoria years away
For a daughter or son - Graduation Day.

It is a peak of success for the graduate,
Not only for the graduate but parents too.
A joyful event after many years they had to wait,
Realizing the glorious thrill of a dream come true,
A genuine smile accompanied by a deep sigh,
Often a handkerchief in hand as the class goes by.

Graduation is a deserving, hard earned goal
With mortarboard and gown as foretold,
A gratifying service of the mind and soul
In a simple and beautiful sheepskin told
That the graduate fulfilled the educational rule.
At last, for the mother and father, a dream come true.
Graduation Day!"
(Joseph T. Renaldi)

Though not a big fan of big ceremonies..but i'm willing to make an exception yesterday..my convocation.

A seal of validation to all..especially two most important people on the planet i.e My Mum and Dad..that their daughter is finally a graduate..

My dad says because of this, i cannot be the baby of the household anymore..nuh-UH...i love being the baby..sure, i may have thoughts of an adult and i am on my way of becoming one..but, being the baby beats everything else hands down.

Yes, you have heard correct..yesterday was my convocation.nothing to trumpet about..finally had the ceremony.

but i guess the climax of the day was not my receiving the scroll but having both my parents hugged me after and ended us bawling..

p/s: post pictures later..didn't take much, not really a fan of the camera..

Again, to both my parents, Rohani Othman and Ismail Yacob

Thank you for being there,
thank you for your tender care,
thank you for being patient all this while,
thank you for always giving me a smile,
thank you for everything you have given me,
thank you for standing beside me...

The best parents one could have and dreamed of..i have them..lucky ol' me!

the one with sleepiness

2007-08-27T10:57:00.000+08:00

"Sleeping is no mean art: for its sake one must stay awake all day" (Friedrich Nietzsche)

Right...my mind says do work..get that affidavit done and over with..but noooo..my body vehemently wants sleep..

Great. Just great...i really want to get this land acquisition affidavit off my desk..but my eyes just won't give me the time of day!

Work with me goddamnit, not work against me..sheesh!

the one with shoppers

2007-08-21T14:47:00.000+08:00

"I'd all but given up my crusade to rid the world of fools…there are, I found, just too many!" (Foolkiller)

Indeed..try walking through a shopping mall during sale..i bet the route which takes you usually five minutes now extends to fifteen minutes just because some bimbo cannot decide on which handbag to buy and needs to stand in the middle of the walkway just to decide..then there are others who simply cannot make up their mind where to go..they prefer taking super slow motion steps and basically hold up traffic..trying to decide whether to right or left..

Why do these people exist?...you cannot even decide where to walk..what more decisions on your life?..

And one more thing...choosing a bag or wallet or shoe is not a metter of life and death..no size, move on..no pattern, move on...huargh!!!!

I am not surprised if one day somebody opens fire at the mass of shoppers.I even bet these idiots are the ones that will perish first.

the one with my brother (2)

2007-08-20T10:35:00.000+08:00

"A Tribute to a Brother

To tribute to your kindness
In words is not enough
To tell of your caring
For me and others is wasting time
To a dear brother of mine
To bridge a gap so wide
As to let me into your heart
When I don’t even know mine

This tribute to you
My brother
My friend
My family
In love you conquer hate
And within these ugly times
You conquer them with beauty
This tribute to my brother ends
But always will remain true " (Kathryn Thomas)

Like i promised..yesterday, was my older brother's birthday..so here's my tribute to him..

what can i say about him..lots actually..

he would always be the realistic one..he never lies to you and every answer is a straight answer..definitely what i need.

i don't judge my brothers on what they give me, contrary to what all of you think..besides, my older brother already has family he has to take care of..i don't need him giving me materials things when his money could be appropriated for something else..his attention and care is enough..

But, like i said..he's very realistic..which something i really love..because i know i can ask him something and get an honest answer..

what i like best is when my dad would miss him sometimes and just looks at me..since he says me and my older brother share the same features...

my brother can also be very funny and wacky..he can tell you the funniest jike and we both have this enormous laughter..

as you know..me and my brothers are not the lovey-dovey kind..we don't profess our love openly..we don't give hugs..but we sure damn care about each other, that i'm positive..but my brother does have this cute way of telling me he loves me..he likes to give me pinches and with this unique-yet-typical syam pout plus sound..you'll know it if you meet him..very infectious..i'm now doing it to my family

i remember one time..a snake went inside our house and bitten my older brother at the ankle..not really poisonous..but seeing that happen, i cried my lungs out..screaming and crying..even my neighbour brought my brother to the hospital, i was still crying and keep asking my mom is brother still alive..that was one of the most horrifying moments i've had..i actually thought i lost my brother..

i guess you get the picture..

My older brother also is one of the first of my siblings to pamper me endlessly..like for example:

1. he lets me borrow his digital camera all the time..and even sometimes for months at a time..mind you, at that time, digicams were not even as cheap as you find today..and that was one of his first items in which he splurged..
2. he bought me my first pareo..a black and white number..
3. he also showed me where to get my DVDs..
4. he took me to my first planet hollywood meal..complete with sheila majid singing (i think..can't really remember who sang)..
5. he took me to the roda impian set and the who wants to be a millionaire set on my birthday..not on the same day though..
6. he lets me crash at his house sometimes..when he was still living in pandan jaya..
7. he took it upon himself not to let me spend Raya Qurban alone..brought me along to slim river for celebrations..
8. he gave me my first nike pants..which i love to this day..
9. he and my sister took me on my first adult movie..ace ventura: pet detective..

You know..when sometimes you see brothers don't get along with their kid sister...my brother is the exception...fights with him is almost non-existant..

So, while my second brother terrorizes me way back when..my older brother simply embraces the job of being a brother..i guess he thinks one person was the only teasing i could take..

i cannot tell you just how much my brother means to me..he may be away in his own home..he may have his own family to take care of..but ultimately, he's my brother..truly in my heart, he never forgets that.

So, my dear brother..you are indeed a gem..i'm not sorry nor regret having you as my brother..i wouldn't trade you for anybody else..My wish to you on your birthday is that Allah lavishes you with his blessings and rezeki..may your life be peaceful and filled with happiness..and i wish for you the best of everything..

Truly.

the one with the good week

2007-08-20T09:44:00.000+08:00

I haven't had a chance to blog since last week..here's why:

16.8.2007- Thursday

- went for my first legal aid programme..not bad for my first encounter..
- though can't help of being repulsed of this one particular chambering..thinks he's all that..EH brudder!..ingat awak tu dah jadi lawyer ke?Sedar la diri sikit..baru chambering dah besar kepala..
- again, i cannot understand why people get so big-headed..you still have along way to go..even senior lawyers don't act like you..i can imagine what an ass he would be once he gets called to the bar..

17.8.2007- Friday
- had my training programme for legal aid..
- okay i guess..gives me a more realistic view of what to expect..
- having finished the programme, rushed home to pack my stuff and tehn rushed to the bank to pay for my robe, off to submit mt application for BM exemption and then rushed to KLCC..
- thought while waiting for Linda to finish work, i kill time by watching a movie..
- though i love Jackie Chan but i think Rush Hour 3 is overrated with a storyline that makes no sense..
- met Linda at the LRT..then to pasar malam for our dinner..went home to eat and wind down..
- back out to pick her cousin in Pudu then to my tailor..
- so you could only imagine the day i had..and still me and Linda managed to stay till 3.00 am talking and of all things, did legal research..

18.8.2007 - Saturday

- woke up early for robe collection..
- i'm began to develop an urge to annihilate my own species..
- it is as if who gets to the counter first gets some kind of award..though nothing was offered..
- so i guess these girls simply just like to push around and act like crazy lunatics just for fun..
- why God?...why do let me be with these bimbos..can i shoot them, please????
- me and Linda grew tired of waiting..went to have hearty lunch..with ikan bakar and all..
- Linda then took me to this sanctuary..seriously, it was as if Allah's heaven was here on earth..
- soo beautiful..so green..so peaceful..so everything..rendered me speechless...and we chose to sleep off our fatigue..
- then went back to IIU to collect our cards..another two hours down the line..
- said our goodbyes..me went to bukit bintang with my brother..needed a lift anyway, lots to carry on me..
- finally had my dinner in putra heights..more fish..

19.8.2007 - Sunday

- since my parents were in sepang..gotta do housework..not like i don't on regular basis..but i just don't like my mother coming home to an unkempt household..i prefer all housework done before she gets home...
- so, mopping floors, laundry, kitchen cleaning..
- then..and finally then..i relaxed..
- though i did spend hours just downloading songs to my pc and my mp3..

Conclusion..

1. Inefficiency breeds contempt..from me.
2. Mob rush is so not my kind of thing.
3. Allah's beauty is indescribeable.
4. Kelfood has the best food with affordable prices.

All in all, a good week.

the one with women

2007-08-15T12:43:00.000+08:00

"Women are a decorative sex"(Oscar Wilde)

True enough...

I mean..sure..i do accessorize sometimes..but not up to the point being a walking display case..

minimalist and simple..that's my motto.

make-up?sure..i do wear powder...lip balm if i have to..only on special occassions do i wear a bit more but nothing too extra..just a hint of make-up, i should say..less is more..

but geez..have you seen the women today..it was as if being "decorative" was their only sole purpose in life..sometimes, i just chuckle..you make BOZO the clown look stupid..

I just cannot understand why is it that women go to extra lengths to hide their imperfections..beautify themselves to a point of no return..

hello...have you ever thanked Allah for what He has given you..eyes that can see..ears that can hear...nose and mouth that functions..a normal face..what more can you ask for?..and you, idiotically, went and apply chemicals to your face..thinking it will make you more beautiful..

i think what Allah has given me is beautiful enough..i don't need to enhance it or alter it..i don't need to pluck my eyebrows just to make it neater or whatever it is you do it for (which is haram, by the way).., i don't need to dye my hair any other colour(also, haram..duh!)..i don't need layers and layers of foundation to cover up an already beautiful face and later make it horrible to look at..

i don't need them..it baffles me, really..

Like, i don't understand why a person who covers her aurah would care so much of what colour her hair would be..i don't understand why a person intent on covering her aurah would want to pluck their eyebrows since men cannot be looking at you..i don't understand why a person needs to wear contact lenses with colour when men can't look at you..

Like he said, women are decorative. Indeed.Bullshit.

the one with Dad's birthday

2007-08-14T16:15:00.000+08:00

"Any man can be a father..it takes a SPECIAL man to be a DAD"...

Right on...

So, Dad...happy birthday..may Allah grant you wonderful life ahead, a blessed life..filled with His love and our love to you...

right..today is my dad's birthday..we got him a brand new a phone..he was loving it so much that he refuses to let it go..even when it's time to go to sleep...haha...

How cute...

..i tell him everyday how much i love him..how much i treasure him..funnily enough, it's never enough...

I love my dad..i really do..wonder what it will be like without him..

shit, i'm crying..you crybaby, you..kidding..

Wait..i do get emotional..cause he's my dad..the greatest guy on earth..how can i not get emotional..

So, again...Dad, happy birthday from all of us..Semoga Allah panjangkan umur Dad..semoga Allah rahmati hidup Dad..murahkan rezeki Dad..berikan Dad ketenangan dalam hidup ni..

I LOVE YOU DAD!

"He isn't much in the eyes of the world
He'll never make history
No, he isn't much in the eyes of the world
But he is the world to me
My dad, now here is a man
To me he is everything strong
No, he can't do wrong, my dad
My dad, now he understands
When I bring him troubles to share
Oh, he's always there, my dad
When I was small I felt ten feet tall
When I walked by his side
And everyone would say "That's his son"
And my heart would burst with pride
My dad, oh I love him so
And I only hope that some day
My own son will say
"My dad now here is a man" ( My Dad- Petersen Paul)

the one with being free

2007-08-13T11:44:00.000+08:00

"Now we all have a great need for acceptance, but you must trust that your beliefs are unique, your own, even though others may think them odd or unpopular, even though the herd may go, [imitating a goat] "that's baaaaad." Robert Frost said, "Two roads diverged in the wood and I, I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference" (John Keating - Dead Poets Society)

Well said..just perfect.

i no longer need acceptance.

i no longer need validation.

Alone as i may be, i am free.

the one with weddings

2007-08-13T11:10:00.000+08:00

"I used to think a wedding was a simple affair. A boy and girl meet, they fall in love, he buys a ring, she buys a dress, they say "I do." I was wrong" (George Banks - Father of the Bride)

In these past few months..i rarely received a proper wedding invitation..but instead, all i got was a SMS or a public announcement stating when, where and who is getting married...

i got one last week through SMS for a wedding in Kuala Terengganu, two i received by announcement in friendster..

God, how can you get so impersonal...sure, it's your special day..but have you ever thought that it would be a special day for the person you are inviting to celebrate the occasion with you..and yet you publicise and advertise your wedding like it's a mega-sale carnival shopping spree..free for all..

they adopt the simpler way..which i personally they do to every little aspect of their lives..take it simple..and for granted..

and because of this, i think weddings are overrated...way tooo overrated..more so, it has become a cliche'...and has lost its appeal and true purpose..

i've been to enough weddings to know it's nothing but an elaborate drama presented to the guests..the real story is never shown but a facade is created..

Besides..admit it..most of you go just for the free food...nothing about celebration...it is a well known fact..

Need i say more?

the one with a retard

2007-08-13T09:11:00.000+08:00

"Does the word retarded mean anything to you?" (Gordie Lachance - Stand By Me)

"Grissom: By the way, the definition of the word "retard", is to hinder or to hold someone back. I think your life is about to become retarded."

My morning is eventually spoiled.. i woke up with this fresh and upbeat mood..going to work and clearing my table of work..but then, i encountered this "retarded" guy who leans on the whole of the middle railings on the LRT..leaving only a minutiae space for anyone to hold on..seriously, my mood was this close to be ruined but for this other "retarded" girl who came in and leans on the other side..thus leaves to space to hold on..

that's it..all my mood was gone for the taking..

And the award for stupidest, most ignorant, most "retarded" human being on the planet today is awarded to chinese man and the chinese girl this morning..

Bravo!...

the one with being misunderstood

2007-08-09T14:43:00.000+08:00

"I stumbled like my words, did the best I could
Damn, misunderstood
Intentions good"(Misunderstood- Bon Jovi)..

Just kinda felt being misunderstood today..this is a problem with written work..people just don't get it..

It's easy enough to be misunderstood..God, help me..

Penat la..trying to defend myself..penat trying to make people understand..penat doing something good and people mistake it as being something else..penat trying to explain myself everytime i do something...i'm so PENAT!!!!

Please...don't jump the gun..don't assume things you know nothing about...don't get so paranoid..the world does not revolve around you only, you know...MY WORLD does not revolve around you...PLEASE!!!

you don't live with me..you don't have mind-reading ability..you don't have exceptional gift of perception..SO SHUT THE HELL UP, YOU BASKET CASE!!!!

need i be ANY clearer?..

the one with a childhood

2007-08-08T14:11:00.000+08:00

Quote: " Before you judge me, try hard to love me,
Look within your heart then ask,
Have you seen my childhood?

People say I’m strange that way
’cause I love such elementary things,
It’s been my fate to compensate,
For the childhood I’ve never known..."
(the ever so poignant Micheal Jackson)

::sigh::

During lunch, suddenly having to run out of things to talk about..we were reminiscing old tv shows that used to get our undivideed attention..

Airwolf, The A-Team, Mission Impossible, Macgyver...

Thundercats, Jem, Barbar, transformers, gaban, ...

Has it got better since then..you be the judge..my guess..it's more of the same..only the players are different..

Sometimes, i miss my childhood..things i would always remember..

1. Buying tora or ding dang when the roti bai would pass by on his motorcycle..
2. playing jungle gym at taman jaya..buying ice cream after that...
3. playing teacher with my very own chalkboard..
4. pretend to own a beauty parlor with a cafe with alist of made-up clients..
5. having my own singing contest..
6. playing police sentry during recess..

and lots more..

and likes Helen Hayes said...Childhood is a short season..